#....has the group broken up or something but in friendly terms and with good memories - bittersweetness and all that

[always-a-joyful-note]

Do you ever think about MEZZO'' and their character development and go insane? Do you ever think about how these two guys who grew up in opposite ways economically both came into the industry with broken families? Do you ever think about how they were so sure they would never get along beyond friendly coworkers but also both wanted to try so hard to get along well with the other? You ever think about how Sogo was so afraid to mess up that he constantly held himself back? Do you think about how Tamaki wanted to learn but had to push past his entire life of putting himself first? Do you think about how they supported each other during the other's reconnecting with their families and, when those families abandoned them, promised to stay with the other?

Just....MEZZO slowly becoming this thing between a real friendship and a family. Not best friends, like they said once, but maybe unbreakable friends

[greentrickster]

Sleeping for extended periods of time can be disorienting, especially after one has grown accustomed to exhaustion gnawing at the mind, at the corner of one's eyes and heart, and this instance is no exception. Indeed, it's all the more disorienting for the fact that his cultivation has never felt so... solid. Secure. And he fits within his own skin in a way he can never remember doing so before, as though he's finally the right size for himself, no longer struggling to burst through invisible constraints.

He wakes also to people he... knows? Sort of. In a distant sort of way. Waking to such a crowd should have him immediately on edge, wary and hostile, but he's... not? He feels... surprisingly safe, as though he, for once in his life, truly belongs where he is, and this too is disorienting.

(We tended you, they will tell him later, we tended your pearl as you grew, kept it polished and glowing. We set you on soft pillows, carried you with us, kept you warm, kept you safe, kept you loved. When you hatched, we took it in turns to stay by your side, so that even as you slept, you were never alone.)

And they know who he was, this is made clear to him very quickly, but they don't know who he is now. Honestly, he barely knows who he is now until they ask him, until he instinctively answers, "This master is God of the Ninth Road," and then has a minor panic attack, because why? Did he say that?? What the fuck? What the fuck??? Except it's true, he knows it's true, in his bones, in his oddly stable golden core, he remembers being Shen Jiu, but he is God of the Ninth Road.

And then there's a mess of introductions, of noticing that each of the people here has a simple golden mark on their temples, despite the fact that he's quite certain they're not demons, and discovering that, oh, haha, these aren't just a random group of friendly spirits or immortals, they're heavenly officials, no, not even just that, they're Heavenly Officials, personal aids to Shangdi himself.

And he's one of them now. It takes being thrust in front of a mirror and shown the golden mark that now adorns his own forehead (the mark that is a match to theirs) for him to accept it, but he is. (Because when the Memory of Shangdi said 'let all be given in turn,' he was not joking). And, not only is he one of them, they're happy that he's one of them, that he's part of their group, part of their family.

But it's still disorienting, it's all so disorienting, so other from what he has always known, that it's almost a relief when an especially tall Heavenly Official with extremely powerful DILF energy (though Ninth Road will only learn that term later) walks up with a neutral, considering expression on his face. Because, while he does not particularly welcome it, disapproval is something he understands, and none of this makes sense.

"You are God of the Ninth Road, the god of broken fate," says this new Official, who has been watching in silence until now, "And I am Eternal Candle Flame, the one who writes fate." He looks Ninth Road over with a measured eye. "It is rare for a mortal to change the path I have written for them, rarer still for one to escape it entirely. Yet you, whose fate was a key part of the Grand Fate of the World, have done just that. Indeed, you have made yourself a god whose soul purpose is undermine what I write." He pauses, then chuckles, demeanor gentling, and gives Ninth Road a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Our new didi for less than a day, and already you're making extra work for your ge. Ah well, at least you might actually be able to give me a good challenge at weiqi, so I suppose it's worth it."

"Why would you think that?" Ninth Road snaps back, wrong-footed again.

"I don't see why you wouldn't, given that you've already beaten me at my own game." then he has the audacity to wink before herding all his fellow male deities from the room with words of let their jiemeis explain to didi, seriously, we all know didi doesn't feel comfortable around men, be nice, let Memory of Grass and Water-jie explain things to him. We're immortal, we have time to wait for him to be ready to talk to us on his own.

By the time ten years have passed and he sees Airplane Shangdi's 'private language' for the first time, Ninth Road is still very much a growly, feral cat of a didi, full of distrust and vinegar, but... his heavenly siblings are okay. He supposes. If he has to admit to anything. Even the male ones. He still keeps his private/sleeping quarters in what is primarily the women's wing, but he can be convinced to spend time in the common areas. Beat Eternal Candle Flame at another game of weiqi, appreciate Bean Counter's ability to keep things organized without having a nervous breakdown (unlike his former Shang-shidi), let himself be slightly spoiled. Since they insist.

(He was never taught how to love in his first life, he'll tell them all much later. Not in a way where you can relax into it and indulge in the emotion, not in a place and among people where such emotions were safe to have, let alone express openly. Even when he arrived at Cang Qiong, he was never taught. And it is perhaps the thing he is most grateful for as Ninth Road, that he has been gifted a place where it is finally safe to learn, a family that is willing to teach him...)

(Was thinking about Shen Jiu's ascent to divinity in the Great God Airplane AU, so!)

When he looks back on his last qi deviation, it's a blur. A request from a god whose face he could not see and whose robes are made of the sky, a choice made out of spite (though far less of it than anyone would ever suspect, especially the peak lords of Cang Qiong), blinding pain, that same faceless god in summer blue and cloud white, introducing himself as The Memory of Shangdi, the one who wrote this world, who wrote all the terrible words of his life.

The shouts that are demands as much as questions (and pleas more than anything else). "Why should I have had to fight for everything, no matter how hard I worked? Why should I suffer because someone else wrote me a wretched fate, why does this world need Little Nines and Shen Qingqius?"

...afterwards he can only describe it as 'if approval had a colour, then that is what he became'.

"It is true. Sometimes a fate is too cruel to bear, no matter how poetic, no matter how good the story it would make. So from now to eternity, if one meets with such a fate, and if they reach for better, then let that fate be broken... and let there be one who will lead them to better. And to the one who has given all, let all be given in turn."

He remembers... relief then. Even a fraction of Shangdi's power still carries Shangdi's will, and this- did not feel a vow easily broken. So strange, there at the last, to finally find peace as he sinks into oblivion. Perhaps his sacrifice was worth it then, not for the world, not for promises of reward or for change enacted, but for this single moment of peace. A peace so profound that, for the first time since he was abandoned, he is able to sink down, to fold himself small and sleep in the presence of another male.

(He sleeps, for close to a year he sleeps, though he does not remember it, sunk deep in slumber as he grows himself anew. From a tiny golden pearl (no larger than a grain of rice) that sighs into existence in the private quarters of the Heavenly Officials, to one the size of a hawthorn berry, a goose egg, a melon, larger and larger until finally it splits open and he spills out, still sleeping, clad in fine and simple silk, with limbs a length they might once have been, were it not for a childhood of hardship, pain, and want, with siblings he does not know waiting to smooth him into bed and gently braid his hair. (It must be so tiring, they murmur to each other as they do so, so tiring to remake oneself from mortal into a Heavenly Official, into a god. Let him rest a little longer, as long as he needs, our newest member, our precious and only didi.))

He doesn't want to wake up, truly he doesn't. But there are times, such terrible times, when - no matter how comfortable the bed or lazy the mood (and he feels so comfortable and languid) - when one is simply too well rested to stay asleep any longer.

So he wakes.

[startanewdream]

Five Stages of Starflower

Summary: James is oblivious, Lily is mostly okay with her unrequited love and Sirius has a few plans about this situation. For @keepingupwithpotters,@sunshine-marauders, @cellularphoneexplosion and @zephyrcove who all gave me the most Jily prompt of all time (“Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”) and for @magixbeans (“I refuse to stop irritating you until you give me attention.”). Thanks for helping me celebrate this day ❤

Warning only for a few f-words every now and then (Lily curses when she is upset).

Sirius knows it.

Sirius fucking Black knows it.

Lily had been careful ever since last semester when she started to realize the signs of those things. She’d tried to back away, to avoid more contact despite the fact they had exchanged letters through Summer (just normal conversation, talking about what was going on and their families and discussing their friends – it didn’t mean anything), and that they had seen each other (they just happened to be on Diagon Alley on the same day to shopping, which was smarter and safer—and also didn’t mean anything), and Lily had convinced herself that her feelings for him were entirely friendly and would remain so—if only they hadn’t become Heads together.

There was no way her feelings could remain amicable when she was required to stay together with James Potter for hours at a time, alone in the Prefects Room as they worked and planned, their hands brushing against each other sometimes; or when they would run away to share a hot chocolate at the kitchen, enjoying the fact that as Head Boy and Head Girl they could ignore a little more the curfew, and he’d make her laugh and would help her wipe off the chocolate out of the corner of her mouth.

Lily had fancied someone before, and she knew how to identify the signs, as pale as those previous signs seemed when it came to James. Still, she knew what meant the way she would shiver whenever he’d touched her, or how her heart would skip a beat when their eyes met without planning and he would grin deviously at her or how she would sit closer to him than she needed, just to catch a sniff more of that wonderful scent.

She was falling for James Potter and the worst part was that she’d totally missed the timing in which he fancied her back.

Because all those signs she saw in herself were unfortunately absent from him. James had apparently mastered the art of considering her as nothing more than his friend, because when he’d touched the corner of her mouth—and she had blinked to him, she really had, a blink that said we are alone now and you are touching my mouth can you just kiss me?—James had done nothing but smile nicely, friendly, drawing away.

And she absolutely knew he was treating her as just his friend when the very next week he’d asked her if she didn’t mind changing her Friday patrol rounds with Leanne Diggory. Fridays were the day they patrolled together until late in the night. Fridays were the days where they would go to the kitchen and share a drink and talk about life and it was their moment.

‘Sure,' she had said, acting as if she didn’t understand what his request meant for them. ‘Any particular reason?’

James had flushed then, his hand automatically flying to his hair like he did when he was nervous and after a moment he glanced at Leanne across the Prefects Room. Lily had followed the direction of his gaze; Leanne was smiling back at James and Lily understood even more.

‘Well,’ she said then, keeping her voice carefully light even as a crushing weight had taken residence in her chest. ‘It’s a pretty reason.'

She couldn’t fault James for not being interested in her anymore, but she couldn’t also just stop feeling that thing for him, not since there was no way for her to avoid him completely. So she resigned herself to having a platonic crush on James Potter, one that she administered very well until the day of the first Quidditch game of the season.

Lily had been so diligent that none of her friends had noticed her feelings for him—and she knew that because there was no way Mary or Dorcas would keep it silent if they suspected. She had been careful not to gasp when they were on the grounds and James had been dropped at the lake by Sirius, stepping out of the water and taking off his shirt to dry himself (but she had taken that memory to her heart and lost herself in dreams about him); she had not frowned when she saw James leaving his group at the last Hogsmeade trip to go talk with Leanne, flashing that dangerous grin of his to her (but she had punched her pillow in anger lately, wishing James had come to her).

And then there was the first Quidditch match and Gryffindor had won and in the post-game euphoria, Lily had made the tiny mistake of hugging James and keeping that guilty longing smile on her face when they had broken apart.

That’s when her gaze had met Sirius, and he had widened his eyes in surprise, taking in all that her smile meant—by the time Lily had rearranged her face into a normal expression, Sirius was smirking knowingly, that moron.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He knows. Lily knows he knows. Sirius knows Lily knows he knows.

It could be worse if it were any of other James’ friends, she reasons dismayingly. Remus would have come to talk to her and urge her to share her feelings with James; Peter would spill the word to James, unable to keep a secret from him.

But it doesn’t look like any of these other scenarios is really worse as she sees Sirius’ eyes shining with a predatory look, like a wolf that knows it got his prey.

She considers running away. But Lily is no coward, there is no place for her to go permanently and she believes in keeping her enemies closer, if Sirius could be considered as one, at any chance. That’s why she keeps her ground, pretending everything is nice and not at all bothered when she sees James is near the fireplace talking with Leanne Diggory.

It won’t fool Sirius, but Lily can keep her dignity at least.

And remaining alone at the drinks table allows for him to get closer to her, which is important for her to check how much damage she did today.

‘Enjoying the party, Evans?’

Lily nearly sighs. Nearly one year of friendship with the Marauders told her they only call her by the last name when they are in full teasing mode.

James calls her a lot by Evans, though, but it sounds nice and she rather likes it.

‘Same as always. Nice party.'

‘Oh, I thought you’d be feeling… too crowded.' Sirius throws a glance towards the fireplace and Lily doesn’t need to follow the direction of his gaze to know what he is talking about. ‘Maybe you wish you were at one of those Head meetings.'

Lily pretends to be amused. ‘Heads can enjoy parties too.'

‘One of the Heads is certainly enjoying the party if the party is happening back at the throat of Leanne Diggory—’

She can control her eyes enough to not look in their direction to confirm how literal Sirius is being right now, but she cannot stop the grimace on her face fast enough; it is a spasm of hurt and anger and jealousy, and it becomes obvious that Sirius saw all these emotions when his grin just increases.

Well, too late to still save her dignity.

‘Good for him. Now, if you excuse me—’

‘Oh, I don’t,’ he replies gladly. ‘Why, you seem a little green to me, Evans.'

‘It’s my eyes, maybe you didn’t notice their colour before.'

‘Well, I never particularly cared, but I remember a young bloke reciting that your eyes were pure emerald bestowing grace upon that poor bloke’s heart.'

‘Jade,’ she corrects before she can think better of it. ‘He compared them to jades.'

Sirius’ grin is criminal now. At least, it’s making her want to murder him.

‘My, Evans, for someone that threw a hex at him you seem to have memorized his words.'

‘He kneeled to recite that poem to me in the middle of the Common Room, what else could I do?’

‘Snogged him?’ Sirius suggests, arching one eyebrow when Lily shakes her head. ‘Just imagine, if you had snogged him back then, he might not be snogging someone else right now.'

It’s a fair assumption, but this time Lily doesn’t have to disguise any particular emotion. She doesn’t regret not going out with James before; they were far too different back then. He matured a lot since those days when he would ask her out when he would be so infatuated with her that it was annoying mostly…

Unfortunately, in the list of things he changed since growing up, his feelings for her were included.

That makes her frown.

‘He is free to do whatever he wants,’ she says, a safe mid-term.

‘Or whoever he wants.’

She closes her fists, wanting to punch something; most likely Sirius’ face, though she will settle for her pillow too.

‘Are you here for any reason or you just want to piss me, Black?’

‘Mentioning that James’ hands are all over Diggory’s bum would piss you?’

‘Ah, fuck off, Sirius,’ she says, not bothering anymore to pretend anything.

He laughs—a loud carefree sound that seems like a dog’s bark to warn that something is happening; in this case, that Lily Evans is making a fool of herself.

‘I will leave you alone—if you just admit it.’

‘Admit what?’

'Are we really playing this game, Evans? Let's not go through the five stages of Lily Evans' acceptance of her undying love for James Potter, shall we?'

Lily blinks, fighting not to splurge over her drink.

'I have no idea what you are talking about, Sirius.'

'Have it your way then. I just thought you should know, I was kidding. James' tongue is carefully kept inside his mouth.'

And he indicates the fireplace. Lily looks at it now and, sure enough, though James is still talking to Leanne, he is fairly apart from her, hands untouching, in a friendly stance.

When she looks back, Sirius is not there anymore, but wherever he is she knows he is smirking, that prat. Continue reading on AO3 :)

[ericamzdm]

Trauma Holodeck - Fighting Dirty

So, uh. Let’s talk about that sparring memory from the Trauma Holodeck.

This flashback has a lot of moving parts, but at it’s core: Catra is not allowed to win. Whenever she gets close, the rules of the game are changed on her, and she is blamed for it. (“You were fighting dirty.”)

Adora wins, not because she is a better fighter, but because the world bends to make it so. (weighting the field to favour Adora is “leveling” it.)

And just to be clear - Catra wasn’t “fighting dirty”. She took a fall, and then continued to fight, weaponizing her injury (And geeze if that isn’t a metaphor).

This wasn’t a rules enforcement by a neutral referee - this is someone who doesn’t like Catra deciding that anything that allowed Catra to succeed must be inherently illegitimate.

And up until this point, that’s not Adora’s fault.

But let’s talk about the negative space in Adora’s comments here.

Adora says: “Hey, you were awesome!”

Adora doesn’t say: “You would have won/I would have lost, if Lonnie hadn’t pitched in.” , “I would have won, even if Lonnie hadn’t thrown in!”, or even “Hey, Lonnie! I could have won without help!”

What Adora thinks she’s doing: Keeping the peace! She’s made Catra not angry, stopping the fight!

What Adora is actually doing: Emotionally manipulating Catra, forcing her to sublimate her anger and redirect her attention to respond to the (vague, unrelated) praise “appropriately”.

This does short-circuit the brewing fight - Catra can’t have it out with Lonnie while she’s busy with the Catradora Validation Dance - but that means the conflict has not been resolved. Catra is still hurt and angry (she’s just hiding it). Lonnie still believes it’s “fair” to gang up on Catra to prevent her from winning.

More than that - Adora’s complete silence on the matter is an implicit endorsement of Lonnie’s interference, and a reinforcement of the “Let’s bully Catra” status quo as natural and correct.

It’s also a way for Adora to re-write the world into one where, sure, Catra did good, but not as good as Adora. Because she hasn’t acknowledged Lonnie’s role, she can tell herself that Commander Cobalt was right - she won because she has “good focus”, because she’s just inherently better, not because she had help.

(or that, because everyone expects great things of her, they see greatness in banality).

“Did I hurt you?”

not

“Are you okay?” (Which is, non-trivially, how she expressed genuine concern during the fight.)

Oh hey, it’s an abuse tactic^. For those not familiar: by centering her actions, Adora has made the question about whether Catra blames her. If Catra doesn’t want to say “Yes, you hurt me.” - and the natural impulse is to not, if only to avoid “drama” - then she must dismiss being hurt.

It’s also making it Catra’s job to affirmatively report harm. Which is a one-two punch of applying “Go along to get along” pressure (Complain if it gets bad! Is it really bad enough to be worth complaining?), and removing accountability from the person asking (having asked, they have no further obligation to do their own monitoring or either their behaviour or the other person’s reactions).

These are specific, targeted tricks, meant to manipulate the target into absolving the speaker of blame, by pressuring them into denying that anything hurtful happened.

[Sarcastic] “Right.”

not

“Hey, you almost got me.” or “You’ll get me next time”

Obviously Catra is sour grapes-ing here, by claiming to have thrown the match.

But there’s a great empty space in Adora’s responses where I would expect to see actual, meaningful validation in a healthy relationship - an attempt to encourage Catra, to support her, to help make them an equal team, and allow Catra to achieve her obvious goals of external validation and success.

Instead, Catra got a self-assured “Riiight”, a full on dismissal of the idea that Catra could have won. That’s not friendly banter. That’s a slight on Catra’s genuine skills, disguised as friendly banter.

Adora saying Catra was “awesome” in some vague way, then pairing it with (essentially) “Not that you could ever actually beat me”? That’s not validation. That’s a backhanded compliment, meant to remind Catra that, however much she tries, however well she does, Adora is just naturally going to be the winner. (Anything that would challenge that? Well, that would be cheating. Fighting dirty, even.)

And, faced with the prospect of disputing that - of having to fight with Adora, of risking the one source of external validation she does get (deeply flawed as it is) - Catra instead retreats, and constructs the protective fiction of choosing to underachieve. (which will become less of a fiction, and more of a survival mechanism, as time goes by).

A fiction that Adora doesn’t even give the courtesy of pretending to believe.

But hey, it’s Catra’s job to tell Adora if she’s upset. So Adora’s just gotta accept the blatant lie that’s convenient for Adora, and go off to be validated by the rest of the group.

And Catra is left hiding in the bathroom, because Adora has, with a smile, a backhanded compliment, and some carefully chosen silences, utterly shattered her self-confidence.

Catra isn’t reduced to rage and tears because she lost a fight. She’s furious because everyone implicitly agreed it’s fine to gang up on Catra, that’s what Catra deserves. She’s in tears because even Adora doesn’t believe that she’s capable of winning.

That Adora’s fine with Catra lying about wanting to succeed - more than that, she will use that obvious lie as a cudgel going forward, to shut down any attempt Catra makes at walking it back, at admitting that she does want to be something more than Adora’s sidekick.

But now that tool has broken.

=============================

^I specifically would not use the word “abuse” to describe their behaviors for any of the younger flashbacks. Four, six, and eight year old Catra and Adora do a lot of messed up, maladaptive, and harmful things, but because they are children (or, you know, fictional representations of children) they lack the knowledge and cognitive development to meaningfully have harmful intent, a key component in what makes abuse abuse.

But here? They’re what, 14ish? While their culpability is still limited, they’re close enough to being fully-baked people that it’s reasonable to start describing their behaviour in terms of abuse and toxicity.

[acloudofsparklingdust]

hi

I was also raised 7th day Adventist and I’m a closeted lesbian. I don’t hate my religion..because I personally didn’t have a bad experience with it in my childhood, but it clashes a lot with my beliefs and well parts of my identity. I’m feeling a bit helpless because this religion has been a big part of my life, a lot of strong women I look up to in my life are sda, and my local sda community is very wholesome. And by now you can sense my reluctance in letting it go. I’ve been coping by thinking I should find a gay-friendly sda church once I move out.. if I ever get married. What’s your journey been like? 🪴

Hey! I don't meet a lot of sda online, it's interesting to hear a different perspective. I'm gonna go into everything, bc my experiences with sda really shaped me, and yeah, it's been a wild, not so fun ride.

Basically I was baptized catholic as an infant, but my family isn't practicing catholic. My mom is very religious, and wanted me to have a good education... In Brazil, we have very poor public education in primary and secondary school, and the best schools are the private ones... Which are also religious schools. So I wound up studying in a sda school from kindergarten to highschool graduation.

So from a young age (4 yo) I was raised on my school's religious beliefs. I was really involved, and my childhood best friend was also sda, she lived a couple floors down from me and we'd hang out often, and her family would bring me to church on Saturdays (there was a sda church across the street from the apartments we lived in). I was the staple Christian child, I prayed every night and every morning, apart from all the prayer at school ofc. At 8yo they did a talk at school about the importance of baptism, and I asked my parents to allow me to be baptized as sda. My mom surprisingly didn't want me to be baptized again, not so young, but my dad said I should do what I wanted, so I was baptized again at the school's church. Literally the school had an auditorium for our weekly religion-related classes, which we called "chapel", and was basically like going to church – but mandatory, as it was during school time. This specific school also had a church built on the side, so yeah.

During my early childhood through preteen years I had no issues with the school's teachings and sda ideology. It was all I had ever known, my family encouraged religion and we'd also sometimes (rarely) go to catholic church. I honestly didn't even realize people could not believe in god until I was 12/13.

I had never really heard much about being gay, or being anti gay during primary school - I may have forgotten having ever heard it from teachers. I only heard about homophobia from peers, and so I knew that being gay was a bad, evil, gross thing.

When I was around 11/12 we moved to a smaller town, and I started at a smaller Adventist school. I was the only one in my small newly found friend group who was baptized, and moving was very traumatic for me, so I started becoming less active in church. I became severely depressed because of the move and other stuff at home, and turned to the internet for a distraction.

I first heard about atheism from a youtuber, and he was known for his controversial takes (he's pretty nasty, it's only gotten worse with time but anyway). I guess a mixture of depression, becoming a teen, having my rebellious phase, I started researching into it.

My religion teacher (we had "religion" classes, but they should really have been called "7th Day Adventism classes") was much harsher than the one I had at my first school. This was around the time that Twilight was a big deal, and I read those books sooo many times for comfort, I got into Harry Potter etc. Not long after I moved to this school, we had a religion class about how Harry Potter was inspired by the devil. My books were often confiscated during class, even if I had already finished my assignments and was reading quietly, even if they were just on my desk. Being super depressed and introverted, with very few friends, books were my refuge. Having the teachers look down on them and literally say they were devilish and evil really started to shift my view of the religion. I knew these were good books, I loved them. So how could they be evil?

I have a very strong memory of praying and praying once and begging Jesus and god to help me, to give me a sign, because I was terrified of losing my religion, of losing god. All I had learned my whole life was that god is good, god is love etc. How come god wasn't helping me, my family, through some of the worst times? How come I was alone?

At around 12/13 my cousin came out to me as bi, and soon after another cousin came out as gay. I barely fully understood what that meant, and the internet was again where I researched about it. I realized I liked girls at the time, but I never understood you could even be married to a woman, as a woman. Even though I knew I liked and was attracted to girls, I never let myself think too much on it. The school was pretty obvious about how marriage is between a man and a woman, our "sex talk" was a class with our religion teacher. Bio talk was split, the boys left the room so we could learn about female anatomy and stuff, and then the boys had the room, etc. Our religious teacher was very adamant about how one shouldn't have sex before marriage, and marriage was between a man and a woman so...

Honestly the basework they laid was to erase homosexuality. I didn't even grasp that I could be anything but attracted to girls, I didn't realize I could do anything about it.

And then in highschool, I guess bc we were old enough, they finally started being outspoken about their hatred of gay people. There would be snide comments from the Portuguese/Lit teacher, a disgusting talk from the History teacher about how gay men's sexual activity leads to anal incontinence, the Religion teacher saying it was wrong, comparing it to criminality, the school's vice principal giving us a lecture and making sure to hammer in the worst thing anyone could turn out to be was homosexual.

At this point I thought I was okay with my same sex attraction, I thought these things weren't getting under my skin. But then I learned about being trans, and I came to the conclusion that since I was into girls, I couldn't be a woman. I identified as trans from around 15-19. That was internalized misogyny and homophobia, that was me actually letting all the snide little comments settle deep in me, and shape who I was.

Anyway, at around 14 I was done. School was teaching us that bastard kids aren't blessed by god (me and my siblings are all "bastards" as my parents were never married). They told us couples who lived together and we're never married were not blessed by god, and implied they were bound to have issues for their sin.

I was a teenager living in a broken home, my father was emotionally abusive to me and my mother, and honestly at the end of the day I had to choose if I wanted to believe in a god who was supposedly love itself, yet didn't protect me and my young siblings and my mom... Or not believe in god at all.

Leaving the church and coming to terms with not believing in god was one of the toughest times in my life. My depression was in the gutter, I was self harming, I was struggling. I remember thinking of my cousins, whom I was very close with growing up, and knowing they were good people, so how could god not love then? I remember thinking of myself, of all I had done for the church, for god, and wondering how could god not accept me.

For me, the church was poison. I only saw hypocrisy, I saw people who judged each other, who cared more about their own concepts of right and wrong than being mindful of others. I saw my teachers who preached being kind, but ridiculed and laughed at other religions and those who believed them. When I was questioning religion, I always had sooo many questions for my religion teacher and so often she just told me that some questions were too big for us to understand, that only god could fully comprehend himself.

I'm proud to have come out the other side, but I won't lie. The community that church represents does seem so lovely and welcoming. I wanted to be a part of something, and church offered that.

But at the end of the day, there's no space for me, a lesbian, in there. They don't believe gay marriage is okay, they don't condone our "lifestyle". They think this is a choice we're making, and a bad one at that.

The childhood friend I mentioned earlier, who I used to go to church with, actually came out as a lesbian a couple years ago as well. Her sda family is giving her a really hard time. She's left the church, last I heard.

Honestly, my advice would be to find other community. Find community with other lesbians, people who can accept you unconditionally, who can offer you support without small print. That's what I'm trying to do.

I personally am against christianity for a lot of other reasons besides my very negative experiences. Maybe that's not you, and in that case I guess finding a church that is LGB friendly can be the answer. I couldn't judge anyone for choosing to stay, because like I said I really understand how nice it can feel, how it's like you belong in this community, how it can feel like the church is family.

But I really suggest deep soulsearching, because in my experience all they ever did for me was suck all my energy, all my devotion, and spit me out when I was never going to be the heterosexual good girl they expected me to be.

Sorry for the super long answer, I hope this helps some? If you wanna talk more in private you can hit me up through DMs, I'm very willing to listen and talk about it.

[thisstableground]

do you have any hcs for if usnavi's parents hadn't died? it would change him and his story a lot and I feel like it could be really interesting, how he's still him but with such different experiences. and you write him and get his character so well so you're definitely the person to ask about this kind of thing if you're up for it :) (also as a fellow brit the uk au is really really weird to me, I can't quite work out why)

(lmao ikr? i wouldn’t actually call it a uk au because i firmly do not believe it could work as a fully-fledged idea without changing way too much about a very culturally specific story in a way that has very uncomfortable implications, tho it is hilarious to briefly entertain the idea of ITH except it’s all set in fuckin milton keynes or something because Simply No Thank You)

THIS WILL BE LONG, BUCKLE UP

i think that a lot of canon usnavis traits are perhaps things he already had but that got magnified by a huge amount after losing his parents, because they could also be seen as ADHD traits; particularly the anxiety and the difficulty with making changes or starting new things. he’s still worried about messing up, about making a fool of himeslf, or just doesnt have the executive functioning to do things. but the difference is prior to losing his parents he had a lot more optimism and self-confidence to push himself past those anxieties or to find it easier to listen to his friends and family when they encourage him, because he has this certainty when he’s younger that things will turn out okay. an usnavi who never loses his parents carries that certainty into adulthood (i think even after abuela passes, because while it’s difficult and tragic for him, it isn’t deeply traumatising in the same way). so this version of usnavi still worries about failure, but the stakes are so much lower; he might embarrass himself but he has the safety net of his parents support, whereas the fear that fuels canon usnavi’s difficulty with changing things or moving forward is “what if i fuck up and lose someone else important to me again?”, where things which aren’t actually literal life-or-death tend to feel that way to him, and he’s a lot more cynical about whether things will have a positive outcome.

with his parents still alive doesn’t find it so terrifying to look into the future – “today’s all we got”, he says in the opening song, and i think he would still say that but in a way that means “live for today, live in the moment, enjoy life”. that might be the attitude he’s trying to get across in canon, but he also uses it as a way to hold himself back and keep himself stuck in place, to not let himself hope for anything in the future: in canon, he knows in a very painful way that he isn’t promised a future, and nobody he loves is promised a future, so why make plans or hypotheticals or even seriously believe that he’ll ever go back to DR? (i genuinely think there’s a subconscious part of him that’s firmly convinced he’s going to die young, but that’s a whole other tangent). he’s living in the moment because he’s scared of what he’ll see when he looks past it; usnavi with his parents still around lives in the moment because he likes the moment he’s in.

i wonder if him and vanessa would have ended up dating, or at least if they’d have been so successful and long-lasting as a couple. they’e always known each other and got on well, but i see their deeper feelings as growing out of  this shared understanding between them based on the difficulties they’ve been through – would they have still had the champagne bet, if usnavi didn’t have that grief and loss and extra responsibility that drives his vague non-plans to go live in DR? would he even want to leave new york, in this version, or would he still be content with the place he grew up because it doesn’t have those painful memories? 

the character arc of reconciling moving forward from a place that symbolises a painful past without having to completely sever from the good things about it is something that both of them share in canon. without those moments of both being given too many responsibilities and too much independence way too young because they don’t have parents who can ease the transition into adulthood, or this unspoken recognition that even with all their barrio family around both of them are very much on their own in some ways, would they make the deeper emotional connection that makes them work so well together in a more long-term way? or would they just have gone on a few casual dates that didn’t stand out from any other casual dates they might have with others?

and hell, maybe usnavi would’ve already been in a relationship with someone completely different – he’d be working at the store with two other people who were experienced in running it. he’d have so much more time to go out, have a social life, go to clubs and hang out with more people his own age. usnavi after losing his parents became quite disconnected from the larger group of people him and benny would hang out with at school; he doesn’t have the time, he doesn’t have the energy, and for a long time while he’s still so deep in grief i think they find it hard to know how to be friends with this quiet, broken, listless usnavi. they’re all still friendly but internally i think he loses his sense of place with his peers because he’s been rapidly catapulted into a stage of life that none of them are in. an usnavi who doesn’t lose his parents also doesn’t lose his sense of being around the same level and life stage as his peers, so who knows who he meets or develops feelings for?

his relationship with sonny is definitely different. his love and care for him isn’t so full of fear, because he doesn’t feel this need to protect him from every little thing or like it’s his personal responsibility to keep him alive, because it doesn’t really occur to him that he could lose him. canon usnavi i think has a lot more of a somewhat parental vibe, and often an overprotective parent at that. i think this usnavi, because he doesn’t have to grow up so quickly and he isn’t sonny’s boss, has much more of a fun big brother role. and i think sonny in return doesn’t feel so much responsibility for usnavi as he grows up - he doesnt feel like he has to force him to have fun or get some rest or put himself first every so often because usnavi doesnt push himself nearly so relentlessly and because his parents can look out for him when he does. 

maybe sonny doesn’t start working in the bodega until much later, either – a lot of why he spends so much time there is because usnavi watches him while his mom’s at work but can’t just close the store. if his parents are there to keep working then usnavi watches sonny at one of their homes, or they go out and do more stuff. the bodega is still important to both of them but it isn’t nearly as much a main setting for sonny’s adolescence as it is in canon.

on that note, since in my version the first thing that makes usnavi hold an instant vendetta against pete is catching pete tagging the store only a few weeks after losing his parents, where his feelings are still so intense and raw. the store hasn’t reopened and so the graffiti feels like someone else making a claim on the only thing he has left of his parents. in this version he’d be annoyed to catch someone tagging the store at most but much quicker to forgive and forget. so in a world where usnavi doesn’t lose his parents, usnavi also doesn’t hate graffiti pete.

 if we’re assuming that things did go roughly similar to the point of usnavi being in the club with vanessa on the night of the blackout, here’s the things that would change:

- sonny isn’t the one at the bodega, his parents are, and they’re together so usnavi doesn’t feel the same urgency to get back and check on things there when the power goes out. instead he finds vanessa and walks her home and by the time he’s back at the store, i think his mom would already be with abuela making sure she’s okay, and usnavi would focus on helping his dad make sure everything was safe and secure at the bodega

- he’s also probably still pretty drunk at this point, so there’s a chance that when everything at the store is secured he just goes straight to bed; it’s been a long night, and he’s tired, and he doesn’t have the trauma of past loss making him feel like he personally has to check every little thing himself. he trusts his parents to take care of abuela, it isn’t all on his shoulders. so they don’t have their moment together on the roof.

- whether the store gets looted in this version or not, i don’t think usnavi’s waking up at sunrise to deal with it, but even if he is then he gets up, helps his parents, is upset and annoyed but not in the same visceral, overwhelming way that he is in canon because he doesn’t have all those other long-term anxieties building up in him, he doesn’t have that pressure of his parents legacy tied up in the store when they’re still right there, he doesn’t have that conversation with vanessa where she’s hurt and betrayed that he left her in the blackout and didn’t check up on her.  (sidenote this may even mean that vanessa doesn’t move downtown, because if he isnt looking for a way to make things up to her before he leaves then he might not think to speak to dani about co-signing her apartment)

-  this means he probably doesn’t get overwhelmed and abandon cleanup to go visit abuela in the morning like he does in canon when we get Hundreds of Stories. he might not even be around, since he tells sonny in canon to get a generator and candles to the church and that’s probably an errand he’d do himself while his parents manned the store. this means he probably does not see abuela that one final time or have that one final meaningful conversation with her before she passes.

final sad note: in a version of events where usnavi never loses his parents, christmas is still his favourite time of year.

[yourcoffindoor]

Bulletproof Heart Pt.2

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Prompt: Request from Anon- “ could you write one where the reader is a rock singer and they and mcr are on warped tour together, and they both lowkey like each other but think they’re both out of each other’s league, and find out that they’re both secretly into nerdy stuff + maybe getting together?

TW: Mentions of an abusive relationship.

AN: The plot thickens. Sorry for the delay in uploading <3

Enjoyyyy <3

That night after everyone had stumbled back to the bus in a tipsy stupor, you couldn't shake the thought of your encounter with Gerard from your brain. And what's more, you hated yourself for it. For awhile you tossed and turned, hoping the unwelcome feelings you had would fade to nothing so that you could fall asleep at last.

But your curiosity got the better of you, and there was only would person who could give you the answers you were looking for.

"Hey Gavin, are you still conscious?" you whispered from your bunk. You heard the rustle of sheets moving in response.

"Hmmm?" a low and sleepy sound of acknowledgement answered.

"I'm just wondering...what do you know about Gerard Way?"

As soon as the words left your lips, Gavin's curtains swung open with superhuman force.

"Y/N are you in love with Gerard Way?!" Gavin's voice was no longer tired, having morphed into a sharp and excited whisper. In addition to being the band's social butterfly, he always knew the gossip about everyone within a 20 mile radius.

"Christ, really Gavin? We only spoke for like fifteen minutes."

"So it was like a love at first sight situation?"

"You are so annoying, I swear to god."

"Do you want info or not?" he threatened.

You sighed. "Fine, yes I do."

Gavin cleared his throat as if preparing for a presentation. "OK, so everyone has something good to say about him, seems like a really genuine guy. I've heard he was in a long term relationship for ages, but its been broken off for awhile now. "

"Hmm," you murmured, trying to sound indifferent, "yeah he seems like a sweet guy."

"Yeah and every girl with a pulse seems to be after him. You got some competition out there." he teased. "But seriously, if you're interested you should go for it. You deserve to be happy, Y/N. It's been three years since...you know who."

Gavin didn't say his name, but he had said enough to bring on a wave of sad memories. "Thanks. I'm uh, feeling pretty tired, so... I'm just gonna get some sleep."

"G'night." Gavin said softly, as if aware he had brought out long buried and very unwelcome feelings.

You rolled over in your bunk, pulling your blankets up over your head, unwilling to dwell on the memories that had been drudged up by only a few words. Three years ago. That's when you finally had the strength to break it off with Alex.

You were a different person when you met him. It was your first relationship, and you were naive and forgiving, unable to see the dozens of red flags that should have made you run away from it all.

You had answered an ad that he had posted asking for potential band members for a punk band he was forming. It had been your dream to pursue music, and you responded right away, hoping you'd hit it off. You weren't expecting Alex to be so damn attractive, and when your audition was successful, it was only a matter of time before a relationship began to develop between you.

He was older than you, more experienced, and eager to take you under his wing where he could have the most control. You mistook his over-protectiveness as a sign of love, and he slowly cut you off from people outside of the band, leaving you isolated and dependent on him.

Eventually he would get angry if he saw you speak to any other man. He took your phone regularly so that he could look through it, questioning you about anything he didn't like. The fights you had were loud and ugly, your voices rising and crashing like cantankerous bursts of thunder. Eventually, they became violent.

You were stuck in a cycle of affection and fear, held there as if caught in a tide that would never bring you back to shores of sanity. But you did eventually find the strength to get out when your friend reached out to you, offering you a place to stay. You packed your bags that night and didn't look back.

Your band was not just a career for you, it was a symbol of healing, proof that you were able to overcome it all and strike out on your own. You rolled over in your bunk, and pushed the unwanted memories aside, reminding yourself of the promise you had made to be the best damn band on Warped tour. Nothing was going to change that now.

x x x 

Your first performance went by in a haze of adrenaline and sweat. The crowd was young and eager to see what you had to offer, and you were all to happy to give them something they'd remember for a long long time.

There were several people in the crowd who were fans already, proudly wearing your band's shirts and mouthing along to all of the lyrics. Others were slowly converted, headbanging enthusiastically by the end of your set. When the band's final song was met with deafening hoots and cheers, you'd felt like you'd accomplished your mission.

"We fucking killed it!" Gavin declared as he slumped in the nearest chair, exhausted.

"The crowd was good, huh?" you beamed as you wiped the sweat from your face, still breathless from your onstage antics. "Let's hope they're all like this."

"Can't get any worse than our first show ever, remember?" Liz laughed as she recalled the groups early days. "Never had so much beer pelted at me in my life."

People milled about as you and your band mates caught your breath. A few musicians from other bands popped in to say hi and let you know that they enjoyed your performance.

"Hey you actually made it!" Gavin jumped up from his chair as he noticed a new face entering the backstage area. "Guys did you meet Frank last night? From My Chemical Romance?" A man with wide hazel eyes gave a quick wave from the the entryway.

"This guy was goin on and on about how you guys were the best new band on warped tour. Had to see if he was just full of shit."

"He always starts bragging when he's drunk." you rolled your eyes.

"Well, I'm glad he did. You guys put on a pretty kick-ass show. Plus Gerard really wanted to check it out."

Your heartbeat, which had only just settled from jumping around on stage, began to speed up again.

"Gerard?"you asked softly, caught off guard by the mention of his name.  You didn't see the familiar black haired boy near frank. You only saw Gavin attempting to give you a discreet wink, which you returned with a harsh glare.

"Yeah actually we were all there. Mikey and Ray had to run to another show. Don't know where Gee disappeared to though," Frank craned his head, looking around at the hustle and bustle that was happening permanently everywhere on Warped tour. "Ah, there he is. Gerard!"

You saw Gerard, surrounded by a small circle of fans, each holding something they wanted him to sign. You felt a strange pang when you noticed they were all pretty girls, and Gavin's words from last night came back to haunt you. You got some competition out there. You struggled to identify just what emotion was suddenly eating away at you--were you really jealous? Or was it the realization that even if you decided to make a move, it was probably hopeless?

Gerard nodded at Frank. "Be there in a sec!" he shouted, continuing to sign autographs until he had gotten through everyone.

Frank spoke with your band mates, but you were too distracted by the knowledge that Gerard had watched you perform to be sociable. You were anxious as to what his opinion would be, but tried to push it out of your thoughts.

You watched nervously as Gerard spoke to Frank and Gavin, noticing that he would glance over at you every so often. When your eyes finally met he gave you a nod and a warm smile. You gave yourself an internal pep talk to try and stay calm. You can just be friends, you don't need to do anything except be friendly. For the love of god, act normal.

Eventually he made his way over to you,offering another soft and lopsided smile,but his time it almost seemed as if he was shy. "Great show. From one lead singer to another, your band has a fucking killer sound."

You thanked him, grinning like an idiot while cautionary alarm bells went off in your head.

"I might be a bit biased though, because of the shirt your wearing."

You looked down, having forgotten what you threw on that morning. It was one of your favorite shirts,  a short sleeved tee with the X-Men symbol emblazoned on the front. You'd had it for years, as evidenced by the smattering of small holes peeking through the bottom edge. Oh no, you thought, he likes comics too?

"You're a fan?" you asked coolly, a stark contrast to the giddy panic that was building up inside you.

"Yes! I actually wanted to make comics before My Chem was a thing." He spoke animatedly, his round hazel eyes widening even further. "But life had other plans. Not that I'm complaining."

That familiar heat rose in your cheeks. This conversation was dangerous, and you were trying desperately to fight the feeling that this man was something close to perfect.

The world around the two of you became an insignificant blur as you both discussed comics at length, and you hung on every word, taking turns revealing how you first discovered them and sharing your favorites. He even recommended a few titles that you had never heard of. His demeanor was passionate and lively, entirely different from the sullen boy you met the night before.

"I uh, I'm actually working on a comic at the moment," he began, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, suddenly bashful, "If you're interested you should stop by the bus sometime--"

Gerard's eyes focused on something just behind you, and you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder. You turned and felt your stomach drop to a sickening low. There, standing next to the drunk who was hitting on you last night, was your ex-boyfriend Alex.

"What are the odds!" he smiled at you, blank looking smug beside him. You found yourself at a loss for words.

"What...what are you doing here?"

He scoffed. "Ouch Y/N, is that anyway to say hello? I'm here for the same reason you are." He turned his attention to Gerard. "I'm Alex. Y/N and I used to have a band together back in the day. Well, a bit more than that actually." He smirked at you, instantly transforming any butterflies you had felt while talking to Gerard into pure revulsion.

This was your worst case scenario, and it was one you had never even considered to be possible. Seeing his face again made you freeze up, and you were at a loss for words. You looked up at Gerard through your eyelashes, wondering if the dark and overwhelming swirl of emotion inside you was showing on your face. His brows were furrowed ever so slightly as if he could sense that something wasn't quite right.

"Nice to meet you," he replied curtly before turning his attention back to you. I'll uh, let you catch up. I'll just be over there with Frank...if you need anything."

You merely nodded, too caught up in your feelings to respond properly. "I'll catch you later then."

Alex saw this opportunity as a chance to reach for an embrace, but you stepped back and out of reach.

"Just what the hell are you doing?"

"What are you implying? I'm just dropping in to say hello before Midnite Heist performs later. I'm their new drummer after all. I can't even do that?"

"No," you said, struggling to maintain a low voice, "You can't. I told you I never wanted to see you again. We may be on the same tour, but that doesn't mean you can approach me. Don't try it again."

He laughed, clearly embarrassed to be spoken too like that in front of his band mate. "If you're trying to get with that Way guy, don't bother. You're punching way above your weight with that one."

You took a moment to steel yourself, and decided to walk away rather than let thing turn into a scene. Before you turned to leave, you offered one final warning.

"I haven't forgotten what you did to me. Speak to me again and you'll regret it."

You walked off, hearing mocking 'Ooooh's from Alex and Brent as you left. You saw heads turning in your direction as you stormed away towards the bus, including Gerard's, but you couldn't be bothered by that now- not when you were struggling to keep it together.

Fuck Fuck Fuck your internal monologue looped on a bitter repeat. This was going to be the longest tour of your life.

[border-spam]

Leech Lord AU - Char Breakdown

Seifa A’rosk / Seifa Ur-Machina / Saint of the God King’s Mechanica

Bless u @nikyri-art​ and @lazulizard​ for the art! List of character traits and world-building facets for this character within my story. The Leech Lord Au is the one all other twins content I’ve written is set in.

Troy’s is HERE Tyreen’s is HERE

Note, ye asked and ye received. Literally my first OC ever, no clue what I’m doing, constructive feedback is 100% welcome.

Physical Details:

Right handed.

Very short, 4′11″, and rarely seen out of heeled boots.

5 years older than the twins, in her mid twenties when she came across the scabby looking rat who introduced herself as Tyreen.

Long auburn hair she usually wears in waves.

Right side shave, warm blue eyes, septum/eyebrow/labret facial piercings

Average bodyweight, hourglass shape.

Saint sigil tattoo between her shoulderblades.

Couple of small scars across torso, stab wound near navel, nicks across left ribs. 

Visible facial scar is paper thin and streaks across her right brow into her hairline. Tells everyone this was from a knife fight, but was actually from an echodevice she was trying to scavenge components from blowing in her face a decade ago. Figures she might as well try and get some intimidation points out of it.

Relaxed punk aesthetic she carries into her engineering uniform.

Usually covered in homemade jewelry.

Backstory:

Sei is a migrant junker/mechanic, and has been running a solo career as one since her late teens.

She has no memory of family, and doesn't care in the slightest. Figures she was probably sold into child labor before she was old enough to remember who they were. Loses no sleep over this and rarely gives it any thought.

Grew up traveling with her "Boss" (head of the scavenging ring who managed herself and the other skinny little kids she was raised with) between different rim planets including Pandora, scrapping and repairing tech while scavenging the thousands of ship husks dumped during the corporate wars.

Spent her formative years constantly surrounded by other children and teens who helped each other get each other through what should have been a relatively lonely existence, and developed a close family bond with many.

Retained contact with a lot of them in adulthood. They operate a network of mechanics and engineers across the system, a few of which come to work within the COV Mechanica when they realise she can offer safety.

Spent her childhood and teens learning the art of the deal from her boss, accompanying him on trade runs, market dealings, debt collections, anything and everything he figured would help her in the long term. Learned everything she could while accompanying him as a kid, like a filthy little sponge in too-big overalls and a runny nose.

Engineering and mech skills have been honed from years of pulling apart and crawling into junked ships, repairing and reselling on components for profit.

At 19, she had saved enough to purchase a shitty little rehashed transport ship from her Boss, and set out to start her own trade. They've kept in touch and are on friendly grounds. Still calls him Boss. Never actually learned his name, it didn’t matter.

Seifa spends years migrating between outer planets, building a reputation with her bartering and trade skills. Playing idiot traders like instruments, flirting her way into high profit deals, and starting bar fights. She doesn’t take part in them mind you, she’s a lady. She just starts them. 

It’s an easy way to get a group of “eager investors” to weed out the lesser competition, and leave you able to playfully manipulate yourself into the good graces of someone who’s too horny and pumped up on the hormonal rush of the fight to realise that they are the mark.

Moves to the next planet once she's outstayed her welcome, but always makes more friends than enemies.

At 25, finds a terrified and not remotely intimidating girl in a Pandoran junkyard, who pulls a gun on her. Tyreen tries to mug her with a shitty SMG that's clearly out of ammo, has a jammed trigger, and gets laughed at in response. Gets called a weird, stupid kid. Gets interrogated about how she is too old to be on Pandora and still alive if this is how clueless she is, so what’s going on? 

Ty breaks down into tears and begs to please, please get her some medicine. Her "Brother is so sick” and he's “all she has now”, and they've “no money, no supplies. It wasn’t meant to go like this, it shouldn’t have gone like this but they didn’t know what it would be like.." and in a rare moment of empathy likely routed in years of being around kids this stupid, and clueless, and dumb ... Seifa helps.

Traits: ✓ Positive x Negative:

✓ Confident, both in her appearance and knowledge.

Sei is a jack of all trades, master of none. Her range of knowledge is broad and useful, and her confidence stems both from her well maintained physical appearance, and general competency in most situations where she needs to be.

✓  Socially skilled, fast learner, adaptable. 

She’s been learning on her feet as long as she can remember, and is highly socially skilled, though a lot of her “nice” interactions can be a veneer. She holds people at arms length without them realising she’s not being as open and friendly as she appears.

✓  Self sufficient, reliable, trustworthy.

An adult lifetime of needing to rely solely on herself has left her highly sufficient, and very dependable. Seifa is the kind of person you call when you need something done, and don’t need to ask questions about how she gets you your results. You’ll get what you need.. just don’t hassle her about how she achieved it. You’ll be told to piss off, very clearly.

✓  Excellent negotiator, skilled in controlling conversations and manipulating others from years of trading for a living.

Seifa has been learning how to argue, shift conversations towards her own goals, and turn competitors on each other since she was barely able to carry a wrench. She’s an excellent dealer, and can drop into one of her many characters instantly when they’d help shift a contract towards her gain. Floozy giggling newcomer? Got it. Clueless naive big spender? No problem. Trade baroness about to crush your knuckles? Game on.

It’s something the twin strays she rescues are very interested in learning from her.

✓  Naturally friendly, and deeply caring for those she bonds with.

Sei is generally easy to get on with, between her decent set of social skills and ability to quickly read people, she comes across as quite friendly and overall pleasant to most people. She’s very slow to become genuine around others or show her caring side, an understandable side effect of the kind of life she’s lived, but her close friends are very close, and see her as one for life.

✓  Lawful Neutral.

 Morals are decent ( for a Pandoran) , and is always willing to help someone if it's not too much hassle or won’t put her out. Like the majority of people living on this rock however, she won’t put strangers before her own safety or wellbeing.

x  Very vain.

Sei will sacrifice functionality for style in the Mechanicum without a second thought, and will become frustrated and snappy if unhappy with her appearance and forced into social situations. She’s had a lifetime of curating her looks and using them as a tool, and hates being seen “out of character”.

x Self focused. 

She won’t risk harm physically or to her reputation for someone she has no stake in. Fact of life on Pandora is that people who do that don't tend to live very long, and she’s highly aware of that. Close friends and children are about it when it comes to who she’d take a risk for, and bandits slaughtering each other or ransacking towns is unlikely to be something she’d be very phased by. It’s not that she doesn’t care, she just doesn’t allow herself to.

x Irritable, easily brought to frustration or insulted. Holds grudges badly.

Seifa manages her collected and cool outer demeanor by pushing it over her emotional state. It’s a defense mechanism she’s learned from a lifetime of being in situations where emotion = weakness. Her high personal opinion of herself and pride in her skill means she takes to being insulted very easily. A subordinate who doesn’t show her respect won’t stay in her department long, and an equal who treats her like an underling? She will Never. Let. It. Go.

x Snappy and unpleasant when stressed or overworked, unable to handle emotion based arguments.

Seifa’s response to stress or frustration is to become overwhelmingly in control of the situation, and fiercely logical. Her social niceness evaporates and she defaults to the simple level of “Get this shit done NOW, and don’t question me” when it comes to dolling out required tasks. This is a bad thing to couple with arrogance. She is also completely incapable of arguing��with someone who uses emotion instead of logic as their drive, and so while she is able to communicate with Troy very well even in heated times as they both default to logic, arguments between herself and Tyreen can become vicious, as neither is capable of expressing themselves in the other’s language when frustrated.

x Loyalty to close friends can overpower her better judgement in situations.

She’s completely aware of the hypocrisy of this weakness considering the front she likes to portray, being cold and unaffected by problems, but has never been able to stop herself from making this same mistake. Over and over.

x Noticeably arrogant, no respect for the chain of command.

Relying on her gut for survival through her life left her with an inflated sense of worth for her own opinion, and she finds it very hard to really convince herself that others may be the better option, or have more value than her own. This means she can also easily forget her place if she thinks a superior is in the wrong. Has earned her a stab to the abdomen and a broken wrist in the past. Both healed, both scarred. Her arrogance towards the twins, being that they are younger and far less experienced than her in general life, has caused multiple confrontation. She know’s it’s a problem, and she’s trying to get better. She really is.

Likes:

Money.

Personal freedoms.

Self reliance.

Feeling admired and appreciated.

Close companionships with friends who see her as an equal.

Her advice being heeded.

Growing plants.

Tinkering with smalltime tech and gadgets.

The safety of the COV meaning she can finally settle in one place.

Respect.

Being wanted, physically and emotionally.

Tenderness.

Gaming, watching movies, appreciating art. 

Crafting jewelry from scrap

Having her gentle, caring nature be valued.

Men.

Dislikes:

Bullshit. Can't stand people who don't communicate logically.

Being spoken down to.

Her appearance being mocked or intelligence belittled.

Social sycophancy.

Being lied to, having her trust broken when she so rarely gives it.

Unfairness, aimed at her or those she feels protective over ( friends, underlings )

Pointless violence.

Risk taking.

Most things considered *edible* on Pandora.

Men. -

Asks are Open!

[the-odinson]

Thor 🗲 Intro

“Fortunately, I am mighty...”

OOC PORTION —

NAME: Danny

PRONOUNS: he/him

AGE: 23

TIMEZONE: GMT +1

TRIGGERS: None

IC PORTION; BASICS —

CHARACTER NAME: Thor Odinson

FACECLAIM: Chris Hemsworth

AFFILIATIONS: The Avengers

AGE: 1500s/appears mid 30s

SPECIES: Alien (Asgardian)

IDENTITY: Public

DOES YOUR CHARACTER LIVE IN THE MOUSEHOLE? IF SO, WHAT ARE THEIR DUTIES? Yes, but he doesn’t particularly like it there. He doesn’t feel the effects of the cold, but Thor has never liked being confined so prefers to get outside as much as possible. Thor has decided to take on the role of a hunter/gatherer. The vast forests of Europe aren’t too dissimilar to the Asgardian wilderness and, while the beasts aren’t as ferocious as back home, what’s a king to do if not revel in the hunt? When needed he will also help with aid work: he can cover great distances with ease and carrying heavy loads is hardly a problem for him.

DESCRIBE SIX TRAITS (3 positive, 3 negative) YOUR CHARACTER HAS AND HOW THESE AFFECT THEM:

Dependable: A man of his word, Thor is trustworthy and reliable; an asset in any team and to anyone who has a favour to ask. Endearing: Those who truly get to know Thor speak of him with admiration; his warm smile and welcoming personality don’t come to all, but if he lets his guard down you’re guaranteed a friend with whom you feel truly comfortable. Benevolent: Thor (usually) means well and (usually) tries to be kind to anyone he encounters. His exterior may come across as brash but there’s no malice involved, often just a difference in culture and upbringing. Obstinate: While being headstrong may not always be a negative thing, Thor hates to admit he’s wrong and has a tendency to steamroll down a chosen path rarely reassessing whether the choices he made were the right ones or simply the first ones. Distrusting: Thor enjoys being social but mainly around those he’s close to. He can appear a little hostile to strangers: while he wants to believe in the good in people, he’s been around long enough and seen a lot of the universe to know of the potential darkness inside them too. Reckless: Thor often acts on impulse and charges into situations unprepared. This can lead to serious damage caused to both himself and those around him.

POWERS AND/OR ABILITIES: Super strength: Son of Odin and King of Asgard, Thor is physically the strongest of all Asgardians, with feats including being able to go one-on-one with the Hulk and other powerful entities. Flight: Thor’s magical axe Stormbreaker grants him the ability to fly. Electricity Manipulation: Thor is capable of generating electrical energy within his body and can expel it in the form of lightning bolts. Using Stormbreaker makes the energy generation and expulsion much more powerful and efficient. Weather Control: Similarly, either with or without Stormbreaker (although with Stormbreaker is easier), Thor can control the sky and create storms. Durability: His Asgardian physiology grants much more durability than a human one, able to shrug off energy blasts and recover from injury much quicker. Thor can also survive in space and alien atmospheres. Allspeak: Also called the All-Tongue, Asgardians speak a magic-based language, granting the ability to understand and be understood in all the languages of the Nine Realms. Bifrost: Stormbreaker also gifts Thor the power to summon the Bifrost, the Rainbow Bridge connecting all realms, allowing intergalactic travel between worlds in a matter of moments.

WEAKNESSES: There aren’t many things on Earth that could pose a threat to Thor, so it’s hard to pinpoint any specific weaknesses. Perhaps for someone like Thor, the word god comes up so often that he sometimes forgets it’s not true: he is mortal and, while far more durable than a human, he can get injured and he can get killed, a fact that he often brushes to the side when charging into battle. However he has become far more self-aware after losing an eye (and almost his life) to Hela.

IC PORTION; DETAILS —

WHAT BROUGHT YOUR CHARACTER TO SOKOVIA?

Sokovia is where the majority of Thor’s allies are, and he needs their help. His world gone, his people stranded on the nearest hospitable realm in need of a home; Thor knew of a place where the Asgardians could blend in and live peaceful lives. The problem is, however, it seems Earth is not quite at peace right now. When he couldn’t track down the Avengers in New York, he followed the trail to Novi Grad. His priorities are conflicting: while he came back to Earth to ask the Avengers’ help in establishing a new Asgard on this planet, he feels he should stay to try and help his friends however he can in aiding the Nomad’s cause.

DID THEY SIGN THE ACCORDS? WHY OR WHY NOT?

No - the whole Accords situation is mostly unbeknownst to Thor due to being offworld at the time of signing. From what he can gather, it isn’t something that would appeal to him. He feels the affairs of humans are mostly petty ones and, despite his growing acclimatisation to Earth and its customs, he doesn’t understand why humans have to be so divided about, well, pretty much everything.

PROVIDE 3-5 HEADCANONS RELATED TO YOUR CHARACTER: 1. Although Thor is an alien, he has spent enough time on this planet (in both modern and ancient times) for the culture shock to lessen so that now Earth to Thor is more comparable to a human travelling to a different country - he acknowledges that the differences are neither better nor worse and he chooses to respect them. He knows he will make mistakes and appear strange, but sees that now as an opportunity for personal growth. 2. One thing he doubts he will ever understand however, is the human version of ‘entertainment’. Thor cannot stand movies. On Asgard, they would entertain themselves by slaying fearsome monsters or engaging in a friendly drunken brawl, the more broken furniture the better! But on Earth they amuse themselves by… sitting down and staring at a screen for hours on end. While both Asgard and Earth had/have magnificent technology, it’s clear they used it very differently.

3. Since returning to Earth, Thor has become intrigued in the Norse tales of himself and his people from over a thousand years ago and their alleged feats. He finds it highly amusing how inaccurate the stories are, but it has led to a fascination of human mythology and the various pantheons across history and the world. He wonders if he will ever meet any other of these so-called gods.

4. While a human brain only has capacity for almost a century’s worth of memories, an Asgardian brain is built for a few millennia’s worth. Therefore Thor has a much more acute long-term memory than his human companions, although occasionally his short-term memory leaves something to be desired, especially after several pints of mead.

WANTED CHARACTER CONNECTIONS: 

Loki: His brother and the person he loves (and hates) most in the cosmos. I know a thing or two about brotherly love (I’ve been experiencing it for 23 years) so would love to write for Thor with his undeniably most personal connection. Wonder Woman: Both ancient, both ‘gods’ and both so very far from home. Despite their different allegiances I think it would be great to have Thor bond with perhaps the one person around here who may truly understand him. Superman: If anything they both have fabulous red capes. They are quite similar power-wise, although I know Superman is stronger but Thor definitely wouldn’t want to admit that. It could lead to some healthy (or unhealthy?) competition between the two, especially seeing as Thor isn’t too fond of the Justice League. Captain America & Iron Man: The two splintered team leaders. Thor respects them both (Tony a little less, perhaps…) and, since he doesn’t really understand the extent of the accords, would like to hear their sides of the story and what has happened since the Ultron incident. Bruce Banner: Thor has fought with the Hulk a couple of times but feels this has brought the two closer, learning more about how Bruce ticks and now he feels there’s a protective bond between the pair. I think the interactions they have could bring out the comedic style of writing which I love!

POTENTIAL CHARACTER ARCS: In the previous paragraph I said I like writing comedic characters (of which Thor fits the bill) but I also want to explore the deeper aspects of his personality such as the emotional pain of losing his parents, his childhood friends and his home. This could manifest in him not wanting to form bonds with others in the Mousehole at first because he’s lost so many people: why would he want to get close with anyone else only to lose them again? Perhaps a dramatic fallout with someone from a different team could lead to serious consequences for him or the team as a whole.

The reason I chose for placing Thor in Sokovia is that he’s seeking a location for New Asgard: maybe with all its emigrating population and empty buildings Sokovia could be the perfect location… I’m not sure how it would work in the group, but maybe Thor could eventually bring the Asgardians here, both to settle and to help with the restoration of the country.

CHARACTER BIO —

You know the story. An Asgardian prince, lacking in humility and exiled to Earth in order to learn what it means to be worthy. A classic tale, but at its heart, a tale of loss, and a tale of what it means to truly be human: even if you’re not. Thor has lived for well over a millenia, but only in the last decade has his life really begun. From landing on Earth a long time after people stopped worshipping him, he slowly began to understand the importance of relationships; from forming close bonds with the Avengers (and wary acquaintances with the Justice League and X-Men), to experiencing true love for the very first time. All his life Thor had assumed that humans were lesser beings, so why then did he feel he was learning so much more from them than he had ever learned from his own kind? 

After experiencing the death of his mother, then later on his father and three close childhood friends, Thor was at breaking point when his home realm of Asgard was obliterated during Ragnarök by the fire demon Surtur. With the title of King thrust upon him, Thor decided his duty to his people had to consume him before his emotions did. Pursuing the quest of a new home, he led them to Nidavellir, the homeworld of the dwarfs; unsurpassable smiths and mechanics with the power to forge almost anything the mind can dream of, ruled over by their King, Eitri. Eons ago, Eitri had forged the legendary hammer Mjölnir (destroyed by Hela) at Odin’s request, now he oversaw the creation of the glorious axe Stormbreaker when asked by Thor, capable of summoning the rainbow bridge despite its apparent destruction on Asgard. Armed with his new tool and a promise to the Asgardians of a brighter future, Thor set out alone across the stars, heading to Midgard to find his old allies the Avengers. He’d helped the humans many times before, hopefully they’ll be able to help him and his race this time. 

It took Thor losing everything to appreciate what he has. As he enters the next phase of his life in Sokovia, without family or a home, he is truly the definition of a nomad.

[pastel-rights]

IDV AU Masterlist

I think Masterlist is the correct term?

Anyways, all the IDV AU’s I got at the moment-

Normal IdV AU: So this is my normal IdV AU! Obviously. Ehehe. This one is similar to the game, where they play these dangerous games with the goal of a grand prize. It differs in the character backstories however! Some of these new changes are:

Lucky Guy: In the original game, we don’t know his reasons for playing in such a dangerous game, only that he played in it. He’s known for being the stand in for the detective during the tutorials (as Leo is for the hunter) and the guy doesn’t have much personality. In my AU, Luckster gets an invitation to the manor after an incident that resulted in him losing his memory (and basically his identity lol) which he is offered help with figuring out who he was before everything happened if he played their games. Spoilers, Luckster has no choice but to go.

Aesop Carl: In the original game, it’s noted Aesop’s “mentor” was a serial killer, and Aesop himself had assisted in these murders. He found the manor invite off the person of a woman he had embalmed. In my AU, Aesop still basically helped commit murder, but instead of finding the invite kind of randomly, he meets the Manor’s owner in person, where the owner employs Aesop to embalm the corpses of former participants of their game. Aesop acts more like staff than a participant, but he is still allowed to play in the games. The hunters just aren’t allowed to kill him/let him bleed out. Rocket chair is fine though. (Melissa hates that Aesop has special privileges, she wants to kill him so badly sometimes, this man is so sassy and so snarky and she hates it)

Luca Balsa: I dive into his story a lot more in the Death AU actually! But basically, Luca is blamed for the death of the inventor, goes to prison, gets bailed out and receives manor invite and is tempted solely by the money. In my AU, Luca never got to work of his own choice, and didn’t get to work on his own inventions. He was a prisoner to his work, quite literally. His mentor ran a lot of different experiments on Luca, one of which caused Luca to be able to conduct and control electric currents, instead of the incident being the cause of it. Also this man is like, super touch-starved because his mentor never let him out of the estate. Luca was treated more like an object than a human. The invitation to the manor, to Luca, was an acknowledgement that Luca indeed was a person, and it allowed Luca to do the things Luca wanted to do. 

Also, the more games they play (and win) the more money they get, and depending on their score depends on how much money they get.

IdV Death AU (Normal): If you’ve ever looked at any of my IdV content, you should know about this AU. This is basically the “Timmy murders a bunch of IdV characters she loves starting with Nort and making her way down the list” AU because it’s an AU that follows certain ghosts (Like Norton and Luca) and certain humans (Naib and Edgar) and to get certain characters as ghosts, I have to kill them. Sorry Norton 🤷🏻‍♀️

Here is a more detailed post for this AU. It’s also called the fantasy AU sometimes cause I’m dumb and can’t keep consistent naming.

IdV Racer AU: This is an AU based off the COA IV trailer, as well as incorporating the COA III suits! It takes place before the final race, a couple races before it actually. The moments from before the final race, is told as a flashback by Mike, and after the final race with the COA III team would be “reality”. As for the 5 suits in the essence (Molten Hound/Gamekeeper, Pumping Tires/Acrobat, Fueling Agent/Barmaid, Highway Cavalier/Prospector, and Reflective Mirror/Priestess) and the COA III suits (Netherwalker/Smiley Face, Puppeteer/Mechanic, Whiplash/Cowboy, Trickster/Embalmer, Surveyor/Seer and Vile Blossom/Female Dancer.) Here are the breakdown of the individual suits and their roles.

Molten Hound/Gamekeeper: Bane serves as a challenge for Norton, Demi and Fiona, and has chains on the 3 of them. Out of the three of them, Norton has the most chains on him. Their lives belong to him. And over the years, they’re trying their hardest to break the chains Bane has on them. It’s only after Mike, not bound by Bane’s chains, gets involved that they get their freedom from Bane. Bane notes that there will be more challengers after him, and becomes a spectator to their journey after defeated. He even trains them to be better.

Pumping Tires/Acrobat: Unlike the others, Mike is unbound by Bane‘s chains, meaning he’s free to do whatever he’s like. Growing up in the circus, after a terrible incident that leaves only two survivors, Mike grew up wild, jumping from hyperfixation to hyperfixiation, not caring how well a job paid or not. He always got himself into trouble, and often acted without thinking (such as crashing his car into Bane’s, and drowning in the river because of his actions) which causes a bit of trouble and panic for the others. Before COA, he was known as a very famous acrobat named Mr. Swifts and was well known for his disappearing juggling acts and incredible flexibility. He joined the COA IV team towards the beginning of their final races against Bane, and he was able to bridge the gap because of his chain free status, which helped earn Norton, Demi and Fiona their freedoms, even if it meant giving up his own life. He gets along well with everyone, he isn’t really disturbed by their “strange” habits as other racers are, he finds them very interesting. If anything, he considers himself stranger. He doesn’t give his own life much consideration, he’s too busy trying to save other people’s lives. He would gladly lay down his life to make sure other people could live theirs without fear, and that shows up till his last appearance in the COA IV race, in which the aftermath has him meeting the COA III group. Don’t worry, he reunited with his newly freed friends... after almost a year. The two COA teams see different sides of him. With the COA III team, he gets an outfit similar to the one Vile Blossom wears instead of his COA IV racer outfit or his Mr. Swifts outfit.

Fueling Agent/Barmaid: Demi grew up with the other two COA III racers (Norton and Fiona) and is one of the racers Bane has chains on. She doesn’t really have her own free will, and has (unwilling) done some terrible things, such as sabatoging the engines of other cars. It was her who introduced Mike to the gang initially as one of Bane’s plans to torment the trio, seeing as Mike was pretty well known in the community in general for being a sole Acrobat (He was known as Mr. Swifts at the time) and having something bad happen to a celebrity like him could spell bad news for the crew. Little did Bane know, Mike isn’t the typical celebrity. Far from it. Demi became really interested in Mike after first meeting him, and Bane twisted Demi’s feelings of admiration and crushing into almost an obsession that prevented her from properly functioning (aka daydreaming while driving, dangerous stuff like that) while makes Mike a bit uneasy, but he seems to get over it rather quickly. Like, really quickly. Demi often is the one tending to Norton and Fiona’s wounds, as she doesn’t seem to get hurt as badly. She gets really emotional at times, going from one emotional extreme to another one. She can be unsettlingly happy one moment to extremely angry the next for no reason.

Highway Cavalier/Prospector: Norton has had the most experiences with Bane’s control. He’s also one of the few people Bane has used to make an example out of (the scar of his face) to instill fear into the others. He’s suffered through a lot trying to win his freedom and his friend’s freedom, but no matter what he does, he can’t break Bane’s chains. Not alone at least. When Mike is introduced to the trio by Demi, Norton can almost hear Bane’s thoughts. He knows Bane wants to hurt Mike to get the trio to do something or to get the public to act a certain way towards them, he just knows Bane’s intentions aren’t good. So he distances himself, he tries to drive Mike away so that Bane can’t use them to hurt him, but his harsh exterior is pretty quickly and easily broken by Mike. He goes from tolerating Mike to starting to enjoying Mike’s presence, although he’s very hesitant letting Mike race with them (cause of Bane and all), he generally is very open to hanging out with Mike. Norton gets hurt a lot, before forces himself to keep going, because in his mind, no matter what he goes through, it’ll be worth it when he earns his freedom. Bane likes to hold this over his head, and more times than not, Norton’s in critical condition and depressed by the end of it.

Reflective Mirror/Priestess: Fiona is very cold and closed-off. She used to be this upbeat, outgoing friendly figure, but Bane’s broken her to the point she feels everyone is out to get her. She often feels like everyone is using her, and only through confirmation from Norton and Demi is she able to get over this type of mentality. She’s also very unsure about Mike, but for different reasons than Norton. She feels like Mike is hiding something, she has this image of Mike that isn’t what the other two have. She doesn’t really mind Mike but she doesn’t trust him. It isn’t till Mike saves her after Bane crashes her car initially that Fiona realizes Mike isn’t all bad. Fiona still stays a bit cold towards Mike, but Mike doesn’t really care. Although, the Mike Fiona sees is more of a hidden personality, and the Mike Demi and Norton sees is more of Mike’s surface personailty. Being a priestess has granted her many abilities, after all.

Netherwalker/Smiley Face: Similar to Bane, he serves as a challenge. He’s a bit worse than Bane if I’m honest, he exceeds in mental torture instead of physical torture. He often messes with people’s thoughts, as well as the way the see the world. He acts like a hallucination almost. He can reveal himself to whoever he decides, and uses it to drive the COA III team insane almost. He often overlooks everyone, and takes pride in his abilities. A certain acrobat’s actions catches his eyes though... needless to say, he is not prepared to deal with Mike. No one ever is. He’s able to strike up deals, and is very convincing. Knowing Mike was the one who broke the Molten Hound’s chains interests him, he wants to see how far he can push Mike before Mike shatters. He makes a deal, to bring him back to life to discover the truth, but awakens a much darker side of Mike in the process, corrupting the Acrobat as a result.

Puppeteer/Mechanic: Being a very curious soul, Tracy struggled to understand the predicament she found herself in. Tormented by the Netherwalker, she is driven crazy by everything she doesn’t know. On top of that, when a certain Acrobat arrives (assumed dead at first), this just adds to her frustration. Yet she’s curious, intrigued by what happened to him.

“He looks like a racer, no?”

“Did you hear about that big incident on the racetrack? One of the racers swerved off the race track and straight into the ocean. They never found a body, you think this may be him?”

“I heard he wasn’t even a racer, but a jack of all traits. He did whatever he wanted, most famous for being an acrobat.”

“How curious... I wonder if he survived his trip.”

She’s obsessed with finding out what happened to Mike, as well as the COA IV team, and it’s this burning desire to uncover the truth that brings the two COA teams together. So ya... Mike’s recklessness and Tracy’s curiosity is what brought the two teams together.

Whiplash/Cowboy: The poor guy has no idea what’s going on. He goes out for an hour and comes back to a washed up body, and Tracy making a new journal dedicated to finding out the truth. He’s very serious, very protective over the whole group. He’s rather levelheaded, yet once you get to know him, he shows his softer side. He isn’t that phased by the Netherwalker’s attempts to break him, but he’s always concerned for his companions. He’s also pretty knowledgeable, he keeps up with the news a lot.

Trickster/Embalmer: Aesop is very gentle in the way he goes about things. He is careful with what he says, and often hides things from the others. He’s very cryptic, and often twists things to sound worse/better than they are. Puppeteer hates it when he does this, because it shows he knows the truth of the incident and he’s purposely withholding it from her. More times than not, he gets in trouble for it. But after Mike’s arrival, it almost seems like the play field has flipped. He’s no longer the one in control. He’s just as clueless as the rest of the COA III team. And that is what drives him mad. No Netherwalker involved. Yet.

Surveyor/Seer: Eli chooses to see the world from a bird’s eye view. He comes at every issue objectively, and often will lean in whatever direction is better to his advantage. It’s Brooke Rose who finds Mike a couple minutes after he washes up on shore. At this point, Eli can tell Mike is no longer among the living, yet he can feel something special about him, so he (painstakingly) drags Mike to the others. Like Aesop, Eli knows things that the others don’t because of the way he can choose to view the world, but he doesn’t tend to hide it. He only says what he thinks is important. He is very thrown off by the whole situation. In the end, Eli’s the one who takes up The Netherwalker’s offer to bring Mike back with the intention of learning why Mike was brought to them. In Eli’s mind, there has to be a reason, right? There always was. He eventually gets everyone else on board too.

Vile Blossom/Female Dancer: Margaretha knew Mike before everything happened, and to Margaretha, it all seems to happen at once. From losing her only job to becoming her favorite poetry’s champion, she didn’t have time to wonder. She knows she left Mike all alone, she takes full responsibility for what happened to him. Of what he became. Margaretha was like a motherly figure to Mike, she let him down. She would do anything to make it right. She knows that when the Netherwalker offers to revive her deceased companion, that he isn’t doing it with kind intentions, yet she wants to know his story, she wants to know what happened, for different reasons than everyone else. She oversees Mike while he’s in the care of the COA III team.

IdV Cameras AU: In this AU, Joseph is the most powerful, as implied by the cameras in the name. It basically explores the pasts of the characters in the Death/Fantasy AU, as well as exploring different character paths entirely if he tweaked small things (like having Xie Bi’an come back before Fan drowns, or having Luca bailed out before he gets hanged.) to use those versions of those characters. He can create custom versions of whatever character he so pleases, and then use them to his advantage. It can be a precursor to the Death AU, but in this AU in particular, he explore these alternative paths to see where they led, finding out some things (like the inventor’s death, as well as Fan’s death) are inevitable.

[sariasprincy-writes]

Hollow Point - Epilogue

One // Two // Three // Four // Five // Six // Seven // Eight // Nine // Ten // Eleven // Twelve // Thirteen // Fourteen // Fifteen // Sixteen // Seventeen // Eighteen // Nineteen // Twenty // Twenty-One // Twenty-Two // Twenty-Three // Twenty-Four // Twenty-Five // Twenty-Six // Twenty-Seven // Twenty-Eight // Twenty-Nine // Thirty // Thirty-One // Thirty-Two // Thirty-Three // Thirty-Four // Thirty-Five // Thirty-Six //  - Epilogue Part I (here) 

Epilogue Phantom Pain

Berlin, Germany

It was raining again. Water fell from the sky, pelting the ground and speckling the glass of the store fronts lining the sidewalks. Inside a little coffeehouse a few blocks from the city center, Sakura sipped her mocha as she watched the sky attempt to drown the earth beneath it.

The little shop wasn’t terribly large. Just big enough for a few tables. She sat by herself while the rest of the room was occuied by a group of young, high school-aged locals. They chatted animatedly in rapid German; their laughter only broken up by the tinkling of the bell above the front door.

Sakura didn’t look up as the chair across from her was pulled back before a man in a raincoat sat down. Kakashi pushed his hood back before he let out a relieved sigh, obviously happy to be out of the rain. He ordered a plain Americano from the waitress and waited to speak until she brought it out to him in a large porcelain coffee mug similar to Sakura’s.

“How did your meeting with your contact go?” Kakashi asked before he taste-tested his drink.

“As well as could be expected,” she replied. When he shot her a curious look, she explained with a faint glare. “He was more interested into getting into my pants then talking actual business.”

“Which is why you choose to work with women,” Kakashi provided.

Sakura tipped her head. “Still, he proved to be of some use. As it turns out he knows of someone who wants to begin moving product into New York.”

“Oh?”

“Her name is Karin. She’s a Russian dealer out of Moscow. She smart and crafty, but she’s been busy fighting other dealers within the country to branch out.”

Kakashi’s brow arched in surprise. “You’ve been watching her a while then.”

“Almost a year,” she nodded.

“She shows promise then.”

Sakura hummed her agreement as she drank from her now-lukewarm mug. “I’m not ready to introduce myself yet though. She has some in-house cleaning to do before she can consider branching out. Until then, I’ll keep watch from a distance. Ino thinks Karin would help Tenten keep up with her orders.”

“That would ease the flow of product out of Cairo too,” Kakashi said.

Sakura nodded again, her gaze distant as her mind worked through the ins and outs of her business. There had been some Egyptian Federal Agents poking around her eastern port lately. They were moving so much product it was beginning to draw the eyes of the government; something she needed to shut down soon.

“Is your shoulder bothering you again?” Kakashi asked abruptly.

Confused, Sakura realized she had been massaging her shoulder through her sweatshirt where Izuna had shot her nine months ago. It ached on cool days or when she sat still for too long. And when she allowed her mind to wander…

She dropped her hand. “It’s fine.”

Kakashi obviously wasn’t convinced, but she continued before he could press her. “Any word on Kisame?”

The ex-Marine observed her for a long moment before he finally shook his head. Sakura didn’t know if she was more relieved or disappointed. Kakashi had spent the last few months bouncing between Egypt and Israel, mostly keeping an eye on Temari’s operations and checking in with the latest news in Tel Aviv. If there was any news on Kisame, Kakashi would have heard.

“Temari hasn’t seen or heard anything from him since he arrived in Cairo nine months ago,” Kisame said. “He likely scouted out what became of Akatsuki in Egypt before he returned to Israel. He’s been underground since then.”

“Hopefully he got another assignment,” she murmured, none too hopeful. Sakura didn’t doubt Kisame still had it out for her. Especially since their last meeting had ended on less than friendly terms.

“Speaking of another assignment, you’re heading back to New York almost two weeks earlier than you planned,” Kakashi said, absently stirring his coffee. “What’re you working on?”

“Nothing in particular. Tenten is looking to recruit more men. Her influence is spreading faster than either of us anticipated.”

“Tenten has the money and resources to handle that on her own,” he said in confusion.

“Yes, but I want to be there to remind her who provided her all her new territory,” Sakura said, just a hint of sharpness entering her tone. “Tenten and I get along just fine, but she plays by her own rules. I don’t want her forgetting this is my game.”

Kakashi considered that with a single side-nod, as if to say he agreed with her reasoning.

Sakura fell quiet after that, her mind running through the errands and projects that needed her attention when she returned to the States. She needed to meet with Tenten, check in on Ino, and Sakura tended to have this habit of dropping by Tobirama’s. Purely to get an update on his numbers, or so she told herself.

“What time does your flight leave?” Kakashi asked.

Sakura checked her watch. “Four hours from now.”

“Do you want me to join you or do you need me to check in on Temari again?”

Whatever Sakura was about to say fell forgotten as she heard Itachi laugh somewhere behind her. Abruptly she jerked her head to the sound, her heart skipping a beat in her chest. Only for her gaze to land upon another man. He was a young American, about Itachi’s age with a deep laugh like he used to have.

Not for the first time, Sakura forced herself to remember Itachi was gone, he’s dead. She had stood on the hill in Arlington nearly nine months ago as they lowered his casket into the ground. His entire family lined the front row of mourners, including Shisui and someone Sakura recognized from a photo on the mantle above Itachi’s fireplace: Sasuke, his younger brother.

Then they had stamped the newly dug earth with a name plate. Sakura had only visited it once.

Still, Itachi haunted her. She heard his voice in crowded places and felt his touch in her dreams. She wondered when she would ever stop thinking about him.

“Sakura?”

At the call of her name, she turned her gaze back to Kakashi. There was an expectant look on his face that reminded her he was waiting for an answer.

“Check in on Temari,” Sakura finally replied. “If the police aren’t poking around again, come join me in New York.”

With that decided, they finished their coffee and stood to leave. Under the awning, Kakashi told her he’d keep in touch and to update him on the situation in New York. She nodded her assent and waited until he was out of sight before she dared glance back at the coffeehouse.

A dull ache rose in her chest, but she inhaled and exhaled quickly, pushing the feeling away as she turned her back on the café. She had a plane to catch.

xx

Queens, New York, United States of America

As soon as she landed, Sakura made her way to Tobirama’s mansion. It was late when she arrived. The stars were already out and a bright, full moon illuminated the sky even against the polluting city lights.

As usual, the guard let her pass. She drove up the circle drive and parked out front. Immediately a staff member greeted her and accepted her car keys to park her vehicle in the garage. The butler answered the door before she had even started ascending the entrance stairs. In the doorway, he accepted her coat without anything more than a polite ‘good evening’.

Tobirama greeted her at the bottom of the stairs. His brow arched curiously. “You’re here early.” Then he glanced at the expensive watch on his wrist. “Nearly two weeks early.”

She cocked her head, a smirk lingering in the corner of her mouth. “Should I come back later?”

His gaze lingered on her a moment. Then the corner of his lips flickered up into a smirk before he grabbed her and roughly sealed his mouth over hers. They stumbled to the bedroom, bumping pictures on the wall and tripping over discarded clothes until Tobirama hoisted her onto his hips. Her legs wrapped around his waist before her back hit the wall just inside the bedroom door.

A sound between a gasp and a moan ripped out of her throat as he lined himself up. Then he settled deep inside her, allowing gravity to do its job as his fingers bruised her thighs. Sakura wasn’t even sure if he had closed the door behind them, but she couldn’t care less as he started a hard, fast rhythm. Her head fell back against the wall as he buried himself into a particularly sensitive spot, her breathy moan turning into something sharper as his teeth bit into the soft skin of her neck.

Then Sakura retaliated. Her fingers tangled into his hair, jerking his head back before she crushed her mouth to his. She wasn’t sure if she had missed him, but she was certain she missed this, and she tightened her legs around his waist to pull him closer.

Their battle lasted until climax. Sakura came with an unmuffled cry before Tobirama carried her to the bed. He finished inside her before he rolled off to rest on the bed beside her. Sakura didn’t move until her breath evened out and the sweat on her skin began to make her feel cold and sticky. Without a word, she pushed herself to her feet before she made her way to the joined bathroom.

Inside, Sakura took a quick shower and wrapped herself up in one of the plush towels on the rack before she paused in front the mirror. Steam clung to the surface and she wiped it away with her hand, only pausing when she caught sight of the ugly, circular scar on her shoulder just below her collarbone. It had healed well after the surgery and would fade more with time, but it was a stark reminder of what had happened that day.

Sakura turned away before the memories could surface. She rubbed some lotion onto her legs and ran a brush through her hair before returning to the bedroom.

Her bag had appeared in the hall just outside the door and she brought it inside before dug out her computer bag. Tobirama was still in bed, his own laptop open in his lap.

“How was Cairo?” Tobirama asked.

He didn’t look up at her as she settled on the far side of the bed, one leg bent at the knee in front of her while the other hung off the side of the mattress.

“Boring,” Sakura replied as she booted up her system. “Temari has a pretty good handle on everything happening over there.”

Tobirama side-eyed her. “So, what did you do for the last month?”

“Hung out at the beach. Drank frilly drinks.”

“You’re not the kind to drink frilly drinks,” Tobirama said flatly.

Sakura couldn’t resist her smile. The man was right about that. “I went to Germany.”

Just as she expected, he blinked in confusion. “What the fuck is in Germany?”

“A contact,” she replied, unfazed by his language. “You remember how I said I might be able to get a line into Russia? There’s someone in Moscow that might be willing to start trading into New York.”

He nodded slowly. “Okay, but why meet in Germany?”

“Because that’s where he lived. I don’t fucking know. We just did,” she said, attitude creeping into her voice.

Tobirama was hardly put off by her tone. He didn’t look up from his computer as he asked, “So now what?”

“Now we wait to see if this new dealer contacts me,” she shrugged, her eyes turning down to her computer as her finance software loaded up. “It might take a little while, but I think I have what she wants.”

On the other side of the bed, Tobirama cocked his head. “Which is what?”

“Guns, money, power. Exactly what every other woman wants.”

He shot her an odd look as if to say he doubted that was what every woman wanted, but Sakura ignored him. Instead, she turned down to her work, double checking her accounts and her gun stores.

She was still balancing her finances when her phone went off a little while later. She picked up her phone absentmindedly, saving her work before she glanced at the caller ID. Instantly, she froze. The number was unsaved in her contacts, but she knew who was on the other end.

Orochimaru.

Closing her computer, Sakura stood from the bed. She picked up the call, but didn’t speak into the receiver as she grabbed the first article of clothing she found off the floor. It was Tobirama’s shirt. Quickly she slipped it on over her head before she left the room, closing the door behind her.

In the hall, a maid passed by. She nodded respectfully at Sakura before she quickly retreated down the other end to give her privacy. Sakura hardly even glanced in her direction. The staff were already used to seeing her half-naked, if not fully, by now.

As soon as Sakura was sure she was alone, she held the phone to her ear. “What?”

“Well isn’t that an unpleasant greeting. Shall we try again?” Orochimaru replied cheerfully. When Sakura remained silent, he huffed. “Fine, be that way. I believe you know why I’m calling.”

“You want to collect my debt.”

“Smart and beautiful,” he chuckled.

Sakura resisted the urge to growl. “What do you want?”

“And straight to the point,” he complained. “Very well. There is a man named Inuzuka Kiba. He’s a drug runner that I want taken care of. He’s mostly a ghost, but he commonly does his business in-”

“Moscow,” she finished.

She heard Orochimaru’s surprise through the phone. “You know him?”

“I know of him,” she said vaguely. “Why do you want him gone?”

“Oh darling,” he chuckled too fondly. “When I cleaned up your mess in New Jersey, did I ask any questions?”

A glare settled across her expression, but she forced it away with a sigh. As much as she hated Orochimaru, he had a point. And taking care of Kiba might actually earn her a favor in Russia.

“Consider it done,” she eventually said.

“Excellent.”

Orochimaru hung up then, but Sakura didn’t immediately return to the bedroom as she weighed her options. She hadn’t exactly been planning on moving into Russia so soon, but with Orochimaru’s orders, she had no choice.

After another minute, Sakura finally returned to the bedroom. Tobirama was still sitting where she had left him, computer on his lap. He glanced up at her briefly when she paused beside the bed, her phone still spinning slowly in her hand as she thought.

“What is it?” he asked.

Blinking her thoughts away, Sakura tossed her phone down onto the bed. “Remember how I wanted to go to Russia?”

“Yeah.”

“Turns out we’re going earlier than I planned.”

Tobirama arched his brow in surprise. “When?”

“Next week.”

Xx

Moscow, Russia

Music filled the ballroom. It drifted from the orchestra down below and rose up into the high ceiling. Men and women were dressed in expensive evening attire with glasses of champagne and whiskey in their hands provided by passing servers.

From the second floor, Sakura stood shadowed on a balcony overlooking the elegant party. The faint murmur of conversation reached her ears, but from her distance she couldn’t make out their words. Especially not when they were laced with such heavy Russian accents.

Like a hawk hunting her prey, Sakura watched the party-goers mingle with a calculating gaze, her eyes sharpened with black eyeliner. The people below looked like business men and women, and perhaps most of them were, but her sights were set on one.

Karin.

The beautiful woman stood out in her sparkling, silver dress. The material brushed her ankles, but it hugged her bust and curvy waist, the bits of crystal in her dress sparkling against the giant chandelier overhead. Her red hair spilled over her shoulder in silky curls, her bangs framing her youthful face. She was only a few years older than Sakura, but even she had to admit Karin was doing well in the Russian Underground. Especially now that Kiba was out of the picture.

“Is she ready?” a voice asked.

Sakura didn’t turn her gaze away from Karin as Tobirama came to a stop beside her. The woman below them was fingering a flute of champagne, but Sakura had been keeping an eye on her for near that of an hour. It was only her second glass.

“Not quite,” Sakura replied. “Perhaps after another drink.”

“Should I warm her up for you then?”

Sakura turned her gaze away to peer at Tobirama then. There was a reason she had invited him to come along with her. He looked dashing in his black-on-black suit. The color was normally slimming, but this particular outfit made Tobirama’s shoulders broader, his muscles more apparent. Dangerous without being overly intimidating.

He really was an attractive man with his dark eyes and grey hair. Under the shadows of the balcony, the ridges of his cheekbones were emphasized, the cut of his jaw stronger. He was a silver fox. Exactly the type of man Karin was attracted to.

Sakura smoothed her hand over one side of his collar, pressing it down firmer. Then she smiled. “I’ll give you a couple of minutes to get acquainted.”

Tobirama smirked faintly, the harsh shadows making it appear more cruel, before he slipped away. Sakura tracked him as he descended the stairs and slipped through the crowd until he was standing beside Karin. He took her hand as he introduced himself, bowing slightly as he raised the back of her hand towards his mouth. He didn’t kiss her skin, but he came close in a polite greeting.

Sakura hadn’t told Tobirama she was using his charm to gain a hearing with Karin, but he had always been smart. Sakura didn’t put it past Tobirama to have figured it out himself.

From her shadowed vantage point, Sakura watched the pair like a predator. Tobirama flirted with Karin seamlessly, bold but not abrasive. His intentions obvious but unapologetic. The red-haired woman fed on it. From her research, Sakura knew Karin had been starved for attention in her childhood. And who better than Tobirama to give all of his to her now.

Sakura continued to stand there until Tobirama’s gaze briefly flickered in her direction. A silent cue that Karin was ready for her now.

Stepping away from the balcony, Sakura adjusted the shoulder of her black evening gown, ensuring it covered the scarring on her shoulder. At the same time, her phone pinged in her clutch purse, a stark reminder to mute the device before she went into this meeting.

Fetching her phone, Sakura unlocked the screen to silence her ringer when she saw an unusual text message: a simple location with a date and time. It was from an unknown number, but the description was oddly familiar. There was only one person who ever texted her like that:

Itachi.

tbc…

[dailytomlinson]

The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

"It's taken me the best part of four years to finish it, so naturally, you know, there's a lot of heart in it," he considers, "a lot of emotion, a lot of honesty I think. And the most important thing for me, whenever I'm writing a song, is that the lyrics are really important to me. I just want to make people feel something, and through honesty, that becomes a little bit easier, you know? So I feel like, hopefully, I've made an honest and interesting record."

A lot has happened for Louis in the past ten years. He was catapulted into stardom as part of One Direction in 2010, left that group in 2015, returned to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge, became a footballer for a bit, had a child, and sadly lost his mother in 2016 and sister Felicité in 2019. A lot of those themes make it onto 'Walls', the latter forming the lyrics for the record's lead single 'Two Of Us'.

"Honesty and vulnerability at times is relatable, and it's important sometimes talk about certain things. I'm always conscious of being as transparent as I possibly can to my fans and to any listener."

Of course, his first solo ventures, 'Just Hold On' with Steve Aoki and 'Back To You' with Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals, are miles away from the music he returned with in 2019, but he maintains the change of direction was for the best. "I just don't think that those songs are true to the artist that I want to be. Although they were right to me at the time, if you put them in the middle of this album, they would definitely stand out."

Where Harry's albums channel 70s rock and artsy pop, Niall's debut had the singer/songwriter vibe a la Sheeran and Capaldi, and Liam and Zayn opted for chart-friendly R&B pop, on 'Walls', Louis goes back to his roots, doing his best to emulate the Northern indie rockers he grew up on. "I feel like a lot of influence happens subconsciously. It's what you're listening to at the time or what you've grown up with. In terms of who I look up to, Alex Turner and the way that he writes as a lyricist is incredible, especially in the early Arctic Monkeys stuff. I always talk about Amy Winehouse's level of detail, again as a lyricist, and how descriptive she was was incredible. Obviously, I'm a massive, massive Oasis fan that goes without saying."

"Coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error"

Chatting to Louis, it's easy to forget he was part of one of the biggest groups of all time, because he just comes across as a down to earth and, well, normal bloke. It's like seeing an old school friend in the pub and having a catch-up.

He's never lost his accent, and his dedication to his hometown of Doncaster is unmatched. He's returning to the Doncaster Dome on tour, was signed as a Doncaster Rovers player, and even in his early solo days, took Bebe Rexha to the Keepmoat Stadium for a video shoot.

"I always try and be as true to myself as I can. I've always been very aware of where I've come from, and very proud of where I've come from. I fuckin love Doncaster. My family still live there, I go there all't time, well, not all't time, but as much as I can. Those influences that I've grown up with were vital on my first album, they're definitely part of it's DNA.

"This was always where my heart lies. I mean, I spent most of my youth in Priory, back when it were ten quid all you could drink – which was fucking mint. That really pushed me towards big choruses and guitars, basically - you know, like a Catfish and the Bottlemen kinda record, that's the sound I really love."

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

"A lot of developing artists when they first start their career, they spend two, three, maybe even five years in the background developing and waiting for that one moment, that one song, that one album. And I kind of had to live out that whole development period in the public eye. Naturally, after coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error and working out exactly who I should be as an artist. It took some time, I didn't want to rush it."

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

"It was really important to me; it was only from the third album onwards that we really got trusted with having a real influence on the songwriting. It's something I'm really proud of, and they're definitely skills that have helped me in the solo career."

Funnily enough, One Direction's third album seemed to be the point where their music took a stadium rock-ish turn, which never really let up for the remainder of their career (see: 'Midnight Memories', 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go', 'Drag Me Down'). Maybe Louis always had those big choruses in him after all.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person"

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

"I normally shy away from metaphor, but it was relevant in the song definitely. I'm sure that's how some people might interpret it. But it's more about general growth in life and any problems or mistakes that you make along the way. It's more about realising that, and I'm very proud of my One Direction roots, massively."

Strangely, he says joining One Direction humbled him. As a cocky teenager, being thrust into the spotlight and feeling like a small fish in a very large, Simon Cowell-controlled pond affected the boys in different ways.

"I was a bit of a show-off, really. I came into One Direction with a bit of an ego; I did think a lot of myself, I'm not gonna lie. It was quite a sobering experience. I was a bit of a show-off when I was a kid to be fair, like I love making people laugh and all that. I wasn't very hardworking. I'd say I'm hardworking now, but I definitely wasn't when I was a young lad."

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

"It feels like it did in One Direction, just a diluted version really. I'm lucky I still have a certain amount of hardcore fans who follow my every move. So in terms of the difference in like privacy and stuff, that hasn't really changed too much. But, you know, it is what it is. It's what I've signed up for, apparently."

It doesn't come across like the fame gets to him, perhaps in a way it has done in the past. He seems relaxed, confident, more candid than he was on any 1D press run (e.g., he's allowed to swear now), and like genuinely, despite everything, he's in a good place.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person and seeing the glass as half full. Whenever I reflect on those times of me feeling a little bit emotional, I always do see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just extending that idea that you know, trying to induce hope."

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January.

[nierly-amazing]

I know I’ve written something similar before and maybe I'm being petty and reading into shit too much, but I honestly just can’t deal with 9S haters. Like, you got the generic weeby incels that are jealous that their fictional waifu is interested in nerdy twink 9S which shatters their "feemales only go for the chads" shitty worldview. Those are easy enough to ignore because they’re just shit people in general and not worth my time. Plus it’s really straightforward and doesn’t have me sitting down thinking “why does this bother me so much?”.

But then you have another group of people that I honestly can’t stand because you look at their hot takes on 9S and think “did we even play the same game?” They reduce him to some flat one dimensional possessive/whiny man child thot boi (No I’m never gonna forget that insult because it’s horrifically beautiful).

I’ve been wondering why it annoys me so much when I don’t really care if people don’t like my favs from other stories and I think it’s a mix of a few reasons. 

One is like I mentioned above in that they get his character so wrong, it’s like they played an entirely different game. 

Another is that they act like the negative (and “negative”) things he does do is for completely no reason whatsoever without acknowledging a whole bunch of fuckshit that helps make him who he is “today”. So we just got “oh he’s possessive and violent and whiny ew” without even thinking about: 

All the trauma that 9S went through both before, and during route C.

The fact that he was infected by a logic virus for most of route C. Yes, most. I don’t remember where but it says in some supplementary material that the virus was fucking with him since way before he transplanted the arm.

The fact that the Red Girls and machines were tormenting him during route C and already pushing him to the extremes. Remember what happened in the Soul Box? Plus Adam torturing him about his feelings for 2B in the copied city wasn’t exactly helpful.

The fact that his only purpose was to be a disposable information gatherer for a pointless war. He was designed with a friendly and curious and emotional personality and was forced to work alone for a lot of his life, told that he wasn’t allowed to display those emotions, and punished with death whenever he got too curious. I’d say he gets a pass to whine about missions every now and then.

The fact that 2B killed him and erased his memories FORTY-SEVEN times and just because she hates doing it and he forgives her doesn't change the fact that she did it and how much it would mess up his perception of anything really. (Bonus points if they think 2B's some perfect stoic lesbian goddess who can do no wrong and has absolutely no romantic interest in 9S). Same with the fact that she was still cold and strict with him most of the time they were together even if he did eventually find out she’s not like that deep down.

The fact that 2B was the one and only constant in his life through all his resets. It would take a fucking saint to not develop some unhealthy attachment/possessive thoughts in that situation. Especially with the Red Girls tormenting him by trying to delete his memories of her in the Soul Box. Like it’s not good or healthy and even I was like “nooo 9S baby please don’t be like that” in the clone fight/his possessive monologue in the book at that point. But it sure as hell is realistic and understandable to become possessive of someone that keeps getting taken away from you. 

The fact that he hates himself for the way he feels about 2B. He doesn’t act on any of his feelings and always backs off when 2B says no about anything from calling him “Nines” to taking a break after a mission. He might grumble and complain a bit but pretty quickly shuts up. 

The fact that he lost everything he loves in the span of a few hours and watched the most important person in the world get skewered by a smelly cryptid doppelganger. (Pile on the fact that said smelly cryptid doppelganger did nothing to clear things up about it when there were plenty of easy ways to do so (don't get me wrong I love A2, but she's an idiot)).

The fact that even in his route C rampage his anger was still only directed at machines and A2. He helped other androids without complaints, even ones he didn't know. And he was still visibly upset when he saw Pascal's Village and Pascal’s memory loss. 

This whole nonsense reminds me of some SU discourse of people hating on Lapiz for the way she responded to Jasper's abuse. Could she have made better decisions? Maybe. But she was trapped in a mirror for 5000 years, immediately attacked after being released, then captured and tortured again. What the hell do you expect?

And to a lesser extent, it reminds me of how people react to Shinji, calling him whiny and tell all those “get in the fucking robot” jokes. The poor kid went through so much shit comparable somewhat to what 9S went through.

I guess the thing that really bothers me is that I relate really hard to 9S and the shit he went through (obviously to a much lesser extent, thankfully I haven’t lost all of my loved ones in a horrific massacre or anything like that). But I can relate to having everything falling apart in my life and not having the support or experience I needed to get through it without fucking up a lot. 

And as an autistic person with a bunch of other brain shits, I was so happy seeing a character that was (intentionally or not) coded with these same things. So it gets me, even more, when I see people going “ew no he’s bad” because of those traits as if they expect someone with no support network or therapy to just be able to Handle It All on their own. When I see people refusing to be compassionate towards 9S for what he’s gone through, I’m reminded of people that refuse to be compassionate to good people who’ve fucked up because they’re unable to deal with it on their own. (And I sure as hell wouldn’t be surprised if they’re the same people.)

You can like a character or person at the same time as acknowledging what they’re doing wrong. (And on the flip side you don’t have to ignore the faults of characters you do like and paint them as beautiful flawless goddesses).

It’s not often you get a kind, gentle, and emotional male character that doesn’t act all high and mighty and above the female characters just because he’s a dude. It’s also not often you get the scripts flipped in terms of gender expectations as well. Give him a chance to come back and grow past all the trauma that shaped him during route C. He’s a good boy. He’s little, and broken, but still good.

Yeah, still good.

I end this with the wise words of a good friend: “9S is great fuck all yall nerds learn some goddamn empathy the end”.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

"It's taken me the best part of four years to finish it, so naturally, you know, there's a lot of heart in it," he considers, "a lot of emotion, a lot of honesty I think. And the most important thing for me, whenever I'm writing a song, is that the lyrics are really important to me. I just want to make people feel something, and through honesty, that becomes a little bit easier, you know? So I feel like, hopefully, I've made an honest and interesting record."

A lot has happened for Louis in the past ten years. He was catapulted into stardom as part of One Direction in 2010, left that group in 2015, returned to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge, became a footballer for a bit, and sadly lost his mother in 2016 and sister Felicité in 2019. A lot of those themes make it onto 'Walls', the latter forming the lyrics for the record's lead single 'Two Of Us'.

"Honesty and vulnerability at times is relatable, and it's important sometimes talk about certain things. I'm always conscious of being as transparent as I possibly can to my fans and to any listener."

Of course, his first solo ventures, 'Just Hold On' with Steve Aoki and 'Back To You' with Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals, are miles away from the music he returned with in 2019, but he maintains the change of direction was for the best. "I just don't think that those songs are true to the artist that I want to be. Although they were right to me at the time, if you put them in the middle of this album, they would definitely stand out."

Where Harry's albums channel 70s rock and artsy pop, Niall's debut had the singer/songwriter vibe a la Sheeran and Capaldi, and Liam and Zayn opted for chart-friendly R&B pop, on 'Walls', Louis goes back to his roots, doing his best to emulate the Northern indie rockers he grew up on. "I feel like a lot of influence happens subconsciously. It's what you're listening to at the time or what you've grown up with. In terms of who I look up to, Alex Turner and the way that he writes as a lyricist is incredible, especially in the early Arctic Monkeys stuff. I always talk about Amy Winehouse's level of detail, again as a lyricist, and how descriptive she was was incredible. Obviously, I'm a massive, massive Oasis fan that goes without saying."

Chatting to Louis, it's easy to forget he was part of one of the biggest groups of all time, because he just comes across as a down to earth and, well, normal bloke. It's like seeing an old school friend in the pub and having a catch-up.

He's never lost his accent, and his dedication to his hometown of Doncaster is unmatched. He's returning to the Doncaster Dome on tour, was signed as a Doncaster Rovers player, and even in his early solo days, took Bebe Rexha to the Keepmoat Stadium for a video shoot.

"I always try and be as true to myself as I can. I've always been very aware of where I've come from, and very proud of where I've come from. I fuckin love Doncaster. My family still live there, I go there all't time, well, not all't time, but as much as I can. Those influences that I've grown up with were vital on my first album, they're definitely part of it's DNA.

"This was always where my heart lies. I mean, I spent most of my youth in Priory, back when it were ten quid all you could drink – which was fucking mint. That really pushed me towards big choruses and guitars, basically - you know, like a Catfish and the Bottlemen kinda record, that's the sound I really love."

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

"A lot of developing artists when they first start their career, they spend two, three, maybe even five years in the background developing and waiting for that one moment, that one song, that one album. And I kind of had to live out that whole development period in the public eye. Naturally, after coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error and working out exactly who I should be as an artist. It took some time, I didn't want to rush it."

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

"It was really important to me; it was only from the third album onwards that we really got trusted with having a real influence on the songwriting. It's something I'm really proud of, and they're definitely skills that have helped me in the solo career."

Funnily enough, One Direction's third album seemed to be the point where their music took a stadium rock-ish turn, which never really let up for the remainder of their career (see: 'Midnight Memories', 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go', 'Drag Me Down'). Maybe Louis always had those big choruses in him after all.

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

"I normally shy away from metaphor, but it was relevant in the song definitely. I'm sure that's how some people might interpret it. But it's more about general growth in life and any problems or mistakes that you make along the way. It's more about realising that, and I'm very proud of my One Direction roots, massively."

Strangely, he says joining One Direction humbled him. As a cocky teenager, being thrust into the spotlight and feeling like a small fish in a very large, Simon Cowell-controlled pond affected the boys in different ways.

"I was a bit of a show-off, really. I came into One Direction with a bit of an ego; I did think a lot of myself, I'm not gonna lie. It was quite a sobering experience. I was a bit of a show-off when I was a kid to be fair, like I love making people laugh and all that. I wasn't very hardworking. I'd say I'm hardworking now, but I definitely wasn't when I was a young lad."

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

"It feels like it did in One Direction, just a diluted version really. I'm lucky I still have a certain amount of hardcore fans who follow my every move. So in terms of the difference in like privacy and stuff, that hasn't really changed too much. But, you know, it is what it is. It's what I've signed up for, apparently."

It doesn't come across like the fame gets to him, perhaps in a way it has done in the past. He seems relaxed, confident, more candid than he was on any 1D press run (e.g., he's allowed to swear now), and like genuinely, despite everything, he's in a good place.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person and seeing the glass as half full. Whenever I reflect on those times of me feeling a little bit emotional, I always do see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just extending that idea that you know, trying to induce hope."

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January.

[elceeu2morrow]

Published: 2:45 pm, January 30, 2020  Words: Abigail Firth.

The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

"It's taken me the best part of four years to finish it, so naturally, you know, there's a lot of heart in it," he considers, "a lot of emotion, a lot of honesty I think. And the most important thing for me, whenever I'm writing a song, is that the lyrics are really important to me. I just want to make people feel something, and through honesty, that becomes a little bit easier, you know? So I feel like, hopefully, I've made an honest and interesting record."

A lot has happened for Louis in the past ten years. He was catapulted into stardom as part of One Direction in 2010, left that group in 2015, returned to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge, became a footballer for a bit, had a child, and sadly lost his mother in 2016 and sister Felicité in 2019. A lot of those themes make it onto 'Walls', the latter forming the lyrics for the record's lead single 'Two Of Us'.

"Honesty and vulnerability at times is relatable, and it's important sometimes talk about certain things. I'm always conscious of being as transparent as I possibly can to my fans and to any listener."

Of course, his first solo ventures, 'Just Hold On' with Steve Aoki and 'Back To You' with Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals, are miles away from the music he returned with in 2019, but he maintains the change of direction was for the best. "I just don't think that those songs are true to the artist that I want to be. Although they were right to me at the time, if you put them in the middle of this album, they would definitely stand out."

Where Harry's albums channel 70s rock and artsy pop, Niall's debut had the singer/songwriter vibe a la Sheeran and Capaldi, and Liam and Zayn opted for chart-friendly R&B pop, on 'Walls', Louis goes back to his roots, doing his best to emulate the Northern indie rockers he grew up on. "I feel like a lot of influence happens subconsciously. It's what you're listening to at the time or what you've grown up with. In terms of who I look up to, Alex Turner and the way that he writes as a lyricist is incredible, especially in the early Arctic Monkeys stuff. I always talk about Amy Winehouse's level of detail, again as a lyricist, and how descriptive she was was incredible. Obviously, I'm a massive, massive Oasis fan that goes without saying."

Chatting to Louis, it's easy to forget he was part of one of the biggest groups of all time, because he just comes across as a down to earth and, well, normal bloke. It's like seeing an old school friend in the pub and having a catch-up.

He's never lost his accent, and his dedication to his hometown of Doncaster is unmatched. He's returning to the Doncaster Dome on tour, was signed as a Doncaster Rovers player, and even in his early solo days, took Bebe Rexha to the Keepmoat Stadium for a video shoot.

"I always try and be as true to myself as I can. I've always been very aware of where I've come from, and very proud of where I've come from. I fuckin love Doncaster. My family still live there, I go there all't time, well, not all't time, but as much as I can. Those influences that I've grown up with were vital on my first album, they're definitely part of it's DNA.

"This was always where my heart lies. I mean, I spent most of my youth in Priory, back when it were ten quid all you could drink – which was fucking mint. That really pushed me towards big choruses and guitars, basically - you know, like a Catfish and the Bottlemen kinda record, that's the sound I really love."

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

"A lot of developing artists when they first start their career, they spend two, three, maybe even five years in the background developing and waiting for that one moment, that one song, that one album. And I kind of had to live out that whole development period in the public eye. Naturally, after coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error and working out exactly who I should be as an artist. It took some time, I didn't want to rush it."

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

"It was really important to me; it was only from the third album onwards that we really got trusted with having a real influence on the songwriting. It's something I'm really proud of, and they're definitely skills that have helped me in the solo career."

Funnily enough, One Direction's third album seemed to be the point where their music took a stadium rock-ish turn, which never really let up for the remainder of their career (see: 'Midnight Memories', 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go', 'Drag Me Down'). Maybe Louis always had those big choruses in him after all.

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

"I normally shy away from metaphor, but it was relevant in the song definitely. I'm sure that's how some people might interpret it. But it's more about general growth in life and any problems or mistakes that you make along the way. It's more about realising that, and I'm very proud of my One Direction roots, massively."

Strangely, he says joining One Direction humbled him. As a cocky teenager, being thrust into the spotlight and feeling like a small fish in a very large, Simon Cowell-controlled pond affected the boys in different ways.

"I was a bit of a show-off, really. I came into One Direction with a bit of an ego; I did think a lot of myself, I'm not gonna lie. It was quite a sobering experience. I was a bit of a show-off when I was a kid to be fair, like I love making people laugh and all that. I wasn't very hardworking. I'd say I'm hardworking now, but I definitely wasn't when I was a young lad."

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

"It feels like it did in One Direction, just a diluted version really. I'm lucky I still have a certain amount of hardcore fans who follow my every move. So in terms of the difference in like privacy and stuff, that hasn't really changed too much. But, you know, it is what it is. It's what I've signed up for, apparently."

It doesn't come across like the fame gets to him, perhaps in a way it has done in the past. He seems relaxed, confident, more candid than he was on any 1D press run (e.g., he's allowed to swear now), and like genuinely, despite everything, he's in a good place.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person and seeing the glass as half full. Whenever I reflect on those times of me feeling a little bit emotional, I always do see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just extending that idea that you know, trying to induce hope."

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January. 

[hollyhockash]

World-Class Wonder (full quest set)

[an Aspect quest set about focused practice at the highest levels of a sport or art] [full Shepherd and Storyteller arcs available]

You’re good at something. In fact, you’re one of the best in the world. This is about how you get even better at it, and some of the things that happen along the way.

This quest set is for chess grandmasters, world-record speedrunners, Olympic gymnasts, and marathon runners alike: because being at the top of your field is a peculiarly similar experience, no matter what you're doing.

This quest set consists of five quests, each with a full-size and simplified version. I am posting them in the order in which you would play them for Aspect. Here’s a quickref of the quests, their XP numbers, and the arcs they can go on:

Practice Makes... (20-30/35 XP) (Aspect 1/Shepherd 1/Storyteller 3)

A New Perspective (25/35 XP) (Aspect 2/Shepherd 2/Storyteller 1/2)

Exhibition Match (25/45 XP) (Aspect 3/Shepherd 5/Storyteller 2)

A Rivalry (30/45 XP) (Aspect 4/Shepherd 3/4/Storyteller 4)

The Moments You Missed (20/30 XP) (Aspect 5/Shepherd 3/Storyteller 5)

Arc Features

On this quest set, you will need to define a Sport: the thing you are one of the best at, and the thing you are continuing to work on. While it does not have to literally be a traditional sport, it is competitive and easily measurable. (Thus, pure mathematics research isn’t really appropriate; it has to be Math Olympiad.) Usually it is also a thing where you are ultimately a solo competitor. (Team sports, for example, could probably be shoehorned into this quest set with some modification, but they’re not what I built this set for.) The Sport also has a community of practice - a lot of other people who also know the Skill and are also trying to get better at it.

Your Sport needs to be on your character sheet as a mortal skill (although it’s okay if the wording of what the skill is called is slightly different), and it will almost always be rated 3 or 4. This is because this quest set is designed for things that you've worked hard to get to a very high level at, and I believe that this kind of work must be done on the mortal level. A few people may get away with the skill at 2, if it’s backed by a Bondfliction or miracle that makes you The Very Best, or if it’s something absurdly niche like speedrunning Action 52’s The Cheetahmen, but that’s not recommended.

Also, your Sport is something you genuinely love pursuing. This is something you willingly give up large parts of your life to practice. This quest set is not designed for an outside authority forcing you to pursue the Sport. If you need an explanation as to why this is the case, see the Arc Notes.

Skills for this quest are things like:

chess

gymnastics

go (the board game)

martial arts

musical instrument(s) such as violin or piano

competitive dueling

competitive magic dueling

stunt flying (with a plane, or wings)

a competitive video game, like a fighting game or head-to-head Starcraft

video game speedrunning

swimming

track and field (running, and things adjacent to running)

The conceptual penumbra of your Sport skill here will be quite large, and you can use it for a lot of different things. Not only are you comfortable with practicing your Sport and things related to it, you have an extensive network of contacts related to the Sport, you can teach the Sport reasonably well, and you’ll regularly find financial or fame-related opportunities related to your Sport (such as speaking engagements, getting free trips to play video games pre-release, or offers to put your face on the cover of national magazines). I mean, obviously you will still have an Obstacle 3 to use Swimming to fix a clothes dryer, but even then the HG should let you have a relatively free hand here. Maybe when you give up and call someone else to repair it, they turn out to be a big fan of you and give you a discount?

You will also have a Community. This is a group of people who are also pursuing your Sport. At least some of them will be roughly equal to your skill level, and you regularly compete with them on a friendly basis; they are also, to an extent, a social club. This is because when you are incredibly interested in something, and other people are also incredibly interested in something, and you often interact with each other in the context of competitions, you already have a lot of surface area to bond over.

Arc Notes

Aspect arc

Practice Makes...

A New Perspective

Exhibition Match

A Rivalry

The Moments You Missed

This is the original order of this quest set, and fairly straightforward. Your routine involves practicing every day and not really getting anywhere. Then you discover another school of thought. After that, you show off your skills to lots of people. If you continue on, you could end up in a dramatic rivalry, and might also have to confront the fact that you've lost touch with another part of your life.

Shepherd arc

Practice Makes...

A New Perspective

A Rivalry or The Moments You Missed

A Rivalry

Exhibition Match

In the Shepherd version of this quest set, your ordinary routine of practice every day is disrupted by your discovery of a new school of thought, and you work through that for a while. After that, you either finally manage to demonstrate yourself as someone's equal or come to terms with how much you haven't been able to do. Beyond that, you might participate in a legendary battle with another titan in your Sport. And possibly, eventually, you go around showing off just how good you are.

Storyteller arc

A New Perspective

A New Perspective or Exhibition Match

Practice Makes...

A Rivalry

The Moments You Missed

You find yourself suddenly interested in a new way to approach your Sport. Then you either continue to pursue that path to try to wring more results out of it, or you spend some time trying to show other people that this way is better. Eventually, you end up lost and at an impasse as to what to do next. Perhaps you are pushed to new heights by a personal desire to best a rival, and might find yourself facing the fact that you've pushed aside "little" things that are no longer quite so little.

Distinct lack of Emptiness arc

This quest set is designed for a Sport that you give up large parts of your life to practice. On the Aspect, Shepherd, and Storyteller arcs, you do this (mostly) willingly and gladly, and the bad parts come from how much of your life you give up to pursue it. As best as I can tell, then, the Emptiness arc for this quest set would be for you to break because pursuing this would force you to lose other things you cared about.

I can’t write that arc.

To explain why, let me tell you a story.

I am classically trained in piano. Part of piano classical training is to learn to play complex songs from memory. There is a special type of recital - piano competitions, in my case, although I assume there exist similar events for other instruments - where you go about showing off your memorized song playing to judges, who then rate you for your performance/interpretation and award medals, much like figure skating or gymnastics routines.

My sister and I were at one such competition. They had practice rooms, one piano to one soundproofed tiny room. These pianos were in the practice rooms because they were broken in some way; almost all had strings (and thus notes) missing, and some had actual keys missing. When I got to the venue, I went to one of these practice rooms and did some last-minute rehearsal of my song. Eventually, my performance timeslot rolled around, and so I performed the song in front of the judges and an audience, and did so reasonably well.

I was later told (by my other parent, on the ride back home) that my younger sister, when confronted with these practice rooms, went to each piano, said “this piano is broken, so I can’t practice at it”, and demanded to go to a different room, and did this again and again until her actual performance timeslot came up. Then she completely failed to perform the song, as she hadn’t actually memorized how to play it.

We had been given the same amount of training, put through the same amount of required practice, and expected to perform the same. But I wanted to be good at piano, and she didn’t, and in the end that was all that mattered.

(Later on, I encountered depression, and also moved away from that piano teacher, so I stopped. But that’s another story.)

To write this Emptiness arc, then, would be to assert that it is possible to train someone to the highest levels of performance without their consent. Certainly, it is possible to train someone to bare proficiency if you use enough force. But for someone to reach the highest levels of their craft, they have to want it with all their heart. The truly world class spend their days planning out what they want to try next, and their nights dreaming of innovations. That drive can't be forced.

As such: when you experience training as Emptiness, as something that you are broken into pursuing, that’s a story so different that it cannot be fit into this quest structure.

I would know.

Practice Makes...

Aspect 1/Shepherd 1/Storyteller 3

Realistically, when you're one of the best in the world at something, you have to practice intensively every day to maintain your skills. This isn't even time spent improving yourself. This is devoting an hour or two a day just to keep the rust off.

(Mind you, in Chuubo’s realism is not really a concern, but for the purposes of this quest set, the point stands.)

Practice Makes... (35 XP)

This is the one where you are actively struggling to keep up, and it’s hard, and it feels like the goalposts keep moving.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you suffer a minor injury such as a sprained ankle

you acquire a new nifty gadget that purports to help with your performance and then stop using it after a few tries

you hear of someone younger who is more talented and better than you

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 15 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

wait all day for something that was supposed to be done within an hour or so, with no explanation as to what’s taking so long

get up extremely early for practice

eat a granola bar

write emails or letters to other people in your Community

wash your hands carefully and thoroughly with soap

do maintenance on the equipment you use for your Sport

irrevocably screw up a practice run or practice test and have to start over

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

Practice Makes... (Simplified) (20-30 XP)

This is the one where you’re just... practicing. You know? It’s not really such a big deal. (This version is not suited for use on the Storyteller arc.)

This is a Shepherd anytime quest, where the catchphrase is something like “I need to go to practice”.

A New Perspective

Aspect 2/Shepherd 2/Storyteller 1/2

You change the focus of your studies/practices. Sometimes you're looking into a different school of thought (studying AlphaGo's record instead of historical Go games). Sometimes you are focusing on a different specialization (speedrunning glitchless instead of glitched).

A New Perspective (35 XP)

This is for when changing your practice opens up a whole new field of opportunity.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you acquire a major upgrade for the equipment you use for your Sport

you take a complete break from your Sport, doing your best to push it out of mind, for at least a Chapter

you establish a way that you can practice your Sport without actually literally playing through it (thinking through chess problems instead of playing chess; practicing high diving moves suspended on ropes above a trampoline; using one of those extremely good trumpet mute microphones that digitally processes it back into sounding like a real trumpet)

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 15 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

study videos of someone else practicing your Skill

attempt a new trick and completely fail at it

practice as the sun rises

calculate probabilities

repeat a nonsensical word or phrase (that you are presumably using as a mnemonic device ICly) to yourself several times

catch something someone throws at you

drink the entire contents of a water bottle in one long gulp

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

A New Perspective (Simplified) (25 XP)

This breakthrough is not such a big deal.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you successfully come up with a setup or technique that allows you to perform what was previously an inconsistent trick consistently

you achieve a new personal best (distance? time? ELO? perfect replication of every note? whatever it is for your sport)

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 10 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

practice in front of a mirror

write a checklist (following through with using it is optional)

carry an extremely heavy bag or backpack

ask for help

drink the entire contents of a water bottle in one long gulp

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

Exhibition Match

Aspect 3/Shepherd 5/Storyteller 2

You attend a handful of events that are more about raising your profile than about serious competition. Often these are charity events. Sometimes you are involved in organizing or instigating them. Getting to these events is arduous, and the physical conditions under which you’re performing are not the greatest. But the energy of the crowd rooting for you keeps you going.

Exhibition Match (45 XP)

This one is for when you go traveling or touring.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you physically meet someone you know from your Community for the very first time

you push yourself to appear and perform despite being sick (usually with a bad cold)

you warn the people watching you that this stunt has never been done in front of a crowd before because it is incredibly scary, chancy, and/or dangerous, do it, and somehow succeed

you set up your equipment or practice despite being in a space wildly unsuitable for it (such as hauling your GameCube and CRT monitor out on a camping trip, or having someone pass you your electric keyboard through a window while you dangle outside on ropes)

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 20 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

take a long plane trip or bus ride

practice in front of a crowd

set up or practice in a place only somewhat unsuitable for it (such as doing a multi-hour running session on some random hotel treadmill, or hauling your thousand-piece wargame out onto the deck of a cruise ship)

eat junk food

connect with a stranger over your shared love of the Sport

are recognized by a slightly-too-adoring fan

have a bad dream about failing in front of everyone

use hand sanitizer

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

Exhibition Match (Simplified) (25 XP)

For if you want less travel.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you compete with someone from out of town

you spend a night on the couch of someone you originally met in your sport’s Community (e.g. staying for a night or two while traveling; having a sleepover; your home being temporarily inaccessible since it’s being fumigated)

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 10 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

sit somewhere extremely uncomfortable

drink your third cup of coffee

solicit donations for a charity from friends

wear an embarrassing piece of clothing someone dared you to

have a bad dream about failing in front of everyone

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

A Rivalry

Aspect 4/Shepherd 3/4/Storyteller 4

You compete seriously with someone else - someone so good that people half-jokingly wonder if maybe they sold their soul. (Or maybe they're just cheating with steroids or money or video editing, but you can't prove that. Not during this particular quest, anyway.) It is absolutely infuriating. It also drives you to heights of achievement that you have never before attained.

A Rivalry (45 XP)

This one is for when the rivalry is highly structured and has an audience and so on.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you lose. No qualifiers. You weren’t at a major disadvantage like being injured or sleep-deprived, they weren’t visibly playing dirty, you just straight-up lose and acknowledge it as such.

you invent and demonstrate a technique or trick for your Sport that was previously thought impossible (such as a quintuple jump in ice skating)

your winning celebration is interrupted by a referee’s ruling that it didn’t actually count

someone from the Rival's end of your Community (insofar as there are different sub-social-circles in your Community in the first place) gives you insider information

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 20 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

skip a barrier

have practiced so long through the night that you find you’re still doing so in the morning

wake up only a few minutes before practice is due to start, and have to rush to get ready

wander into a scene while talking to yourself about strategy

analyze footage/records of your Rival’s past performances for potential weaknesses

clean/maintain your equipment

stop in the middle of washing your face in the sink and stare up at yourself in the mirror, dripping wet

wipe sweat off your brow

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

A Rivalry (Simplified) (30 XP)

This rivalry is more unofficial/informal.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

someone threatens to hurt you or ruin your reputation, but you don’t back down

you do something absurd to try to enhance your performance

you don’t show up at an event your rival shows up to, and they’re crowing about it

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 15 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

crack nut shells with your teeth

wake up only a few minutes before practice is due to start, and have to rush to get ready

use a stopwatch or timer

clean/maintain your equipment

wipe sweat off your brow

shake someone's hand

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

The Moments You Missed

Aspect 5/Shepherd 3/Storyteller 5

There is someone you haven't gotten to meet, or some part of your life that you lost, because you've been focusing so much on your sport. Maybe you receive an invitation to a family wedding that you had no idea was coming even though you should’ve figured it out. Maybe you had to miss your high school graduation. Maybe you realize that you hadn’t met your new niece for the entire first year of her life.

Perhaps you couldn’t have stopped for it. More likely you’d made the tradeoff knowingly, let it pass by for the sake of the Sport you love. How are you supposed to make up for something like that?

The Moments You Missed (30 XP)

This is the one where you go full-on doubting yourself.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you construct a coherent story of how things could’ve gone differently, thinking through what other decisions you’d have made if you’d been less wrapped up in your Sport

you get sick in an ordinary, Sport-unrelated way

someone in your Community helps you out of a bad situation

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 15 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

take an extremely, extremely long shower

fixate on how you could’ve done things differently

compare something in ordinary life to something in your Sport

make an extremely obvious mistake in your Sport that you should really have caught earlier

distract yourself from negative feelings by throwing yourself into your Sport instead

peel the shell off a hard-boiled egg

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.

The Moments You Missed (Simplified) (20 XP)

This is the one for when you have already gone through this a couple times, and have more or less made your peace with the fact that your Sport will make you miss things.

Major Goals: The HG can award you 5 XP towards this quest when:

you watch a home video of someone else’s major life event

a teacher, coach, and/or mentor retires, moves away, or otherwise exits your life permanently

You can earn each bonus once, for a total of up to 10 XP.

Quest flavor: 1/chapter, you can earn a bonus XP for this quest when you:

repair something

haul old toys or clothes to a donation center

do stretches

talk about what you "should" be doing

You can combine this with an XP action, but you're not required to.